I'll Keep Your Secret

Thank you 'MellyMel22' - maybe I should move on but right now she has no one to confide in except me. That was fine: I didn't have any feelings for her. But she needed - and still needs - someone to listen to her as she talks. I know this won't last very much longer: they'll move away eventually and before then she won't need me as her listening post. I cannot deny the emotional sanctuary she needs. I simply cannot do that. I'll find diversions or pour myself into what ever diversions I have now. What ever I have to do, I'll do it. She's tough but right now she's very fragile - I cannot let her down. She needs a friend who won't try to get under her bra or in her pants. I don't want to do either. She's far too special for something that shallow.
I mean don't get me wrong - I AM a guy y'know - but this goddamit i'm welling up this isn't about sex. She's terrific. She's an angel, she has a beautiful spirit a wonderful soul and I don't want any damage done to her.
She likes him and he likes her, so that's good. I know she looks at me as a friend and a silly friend. That's how it needs to stay. She doesn't need ......she needs a friend. an ear. I've gone on about her again and I said I wouldn't I'm a fool and I need to stop before I become an even bigger fool
i'm sorry
dammit this hurts dammit

Don't apologize @Island.. Venting at strangers is what we are all here for.. Sigh

It's true we should be careful about what we want because it may not be what we think it is.
I know about her but I also know how she feels about him. It's in the way she talks about their time together. when we're talking she'll say "I miss him" even though she'll see him later.
Ah well......
I thank you very much for contacting me, and for your replies.

Don't be sorry, I understand what you're saying. I was just seeing it from both sides and it seems much worse emotionally on your end. I wouldn't want a friend feeling that way if I was her. I'm NOT saying she's a bad person in ANY way, it just seems she's unaware of your feelings. You may need to tell her one day for closure.

I wish you the best with everything.

Oh.. Some dreams are truly awesome and fascinating while others tho equally fascinating maybe are quite dumbfounding and (something I can't spell) as well and a thing one would wish to avoid in the real world unlike a desirable dreamy dream per say.. Sigh

@Faerylight - I didn't mean to do that, and so I apologize. I didn't want to bore people with this; it was simply a much needed outlet as I have no one else to tell.
I'm thinking seriously of deleting everything I've written.
Again, I apologize.

Don't worry about it, you need to get things out! You're processing your feelings which must be done so you can heal! That's what this site is all about. You have my sympathy and support for whatever it's worth.

Welcome! Anytime, also I hope you are doing better today (emotionally) :) as some guy's mom used to say to him "be careful what you wish for, you might get her" .. Some things aren't what they seem.. Sometimes we forget that there's a bigger brighter world out there beyond our narrow focus or scope of vision.. Maybe she's the girl for you.. Maybe she's not.. But whatever will be will be and all that.. We can't fight the inevitable and all that *yawns* anyway. :) see you around.. And also you write beautifully from the soul.. It's a rare sight to behold such raw and open and broken emotion :/ *sigh* I wish you well.

I skied on water for a very brief time in history. I love swimming, and rowing. There's nothing like sitting on a porch and watching the water and smelling its scent.

@DeterminedMed - Thank you. I'll continue to be her friend and her friendly ear for as long as she needs me, because that's what she needs now.

@Epic - yeah.
I don't care for the nightmares and I do like the 'regular' dreams, and of course (get ready: big surprise coming!...) I like "those" dreams....teeheehee....

@Islandalone
I didn't mean it that way. I think it is great you can express it. It's just you do it with such heart I really feel for you! 💜

Pls don't delete

@Jenn I'll do that but as you can imagine, once they see your name in the story they'll come flocking back with their imaginations running in the various places.

I appreciate the mountains and the flatlands, but I LOVE being by water, whether it's a lake, stream, ocean, or (especially) a river.

Oh.. I've never been so lucky as to have a porch near water.. :) my dad used to take us on boating trips down the peace river in Arcadia Fl.. People would go fossil hunting in the river .. Whole groups in canoes they rented.. We were poor tho so my dad brought his own little boat to use instead .. Lots of fun memories when I was a kid.. For a long time I missed my childhood when I was older because my teen years and on up turned to hellish crap and I started running away from home.. .. I keep going off topic. Sigh

@Jenn Yes it does suck.
What we can do is this: I can post it without naming you. Then when we get pmz I can give you the original version.

Yeah it's horrible stuff.. Stuff I'd never say.. Ugh idk why weird dreams exist like that *cringes* 😬

@Epic - as you know, dreams can be entertaining or upsetting. The weird ones ..... well they're just weird.

Anyway I hadn't seen you online much lately so I was wondering how you were doing.. Hope you are well :)

I just stumbled upon your stories today. Feelings suck...but it's ok to feel them. Just don't let them bury you. <3

Post is somewhere new. Not added onto mine please. Or the crazies will all come back. :) "I have a story"

Maybe I shouldn't comment? Whatcha think? But then I can't tell you what i think! lol This sucks

The things that make up a childhood can and do leave those certain memories, both good and bad.

@Epic - same. The closest I'll come to being graphic is by saying I can't remember when it was but it was nice.

@Epic that (to me at least) is one of the fascinating things about dreams.

I'm super happy today actually :) despite having weirdly weird dreams last night o.O

It's a lovely escapist dream isn't it? It's a reliable fantasy.

@Jenn - Thank you. As you know it's not always easy to do that.

Maybe I will but I don't see it happening anytime soon.

Yeah these ones were super beyond cringeworthy 🤕

@EpicFail - hahahaha you're terrific.

Thank you @Epic - I'm okay.
How about you?

Yeah me too.. Tho I rarely have those :P

You can't help how you feel. It seems like you're trying to be a good friend, but it's killing you at the same time. If it's making you feel worse and worse, you may need to move on. I know you may see that as cruel, but you can't keep feeling that way. It's not fair to you.

@Faerylight - I thank you. :)

I enjoyed it too. Thank you very much.

Yeah! That's the spirit! I love water in general too.. Cause I love swimming and all.. Sigh.. as far as the mountains go I used to wanna go skiing and all but never got the chance.. Then I got all fat and lazy and didn't care to do much of any at all.. But I'm rambling.. Sorry :/

I know :( unfortunately.. :/ :( hugs :(

I know. Believe me.

You're killing me dude!

Oh.. Well that's nice ;)

@Epic - yikes....

Thank you CharmedHeart. I can't ignore her need for a friend, and a friendly ear. Yeah I may have to put up another post or two (or five hundred) because I'll be there for her as long as she needs me. She deserves that.

@Epic - thanks ;-)

Yay!!! Hugs.. :D

Sounds good :D

@Jenn
:-)

Jenn - what do you want me to do with the story? I was thinking of posting it under one of the categories here, like "I write" or "I have a story"...
But it's your story.

k :)