I need to let it go and sleep [I Am Going Through a Breakup]

It's nighttime again. This is when it tends to be the hardest for me to be at peace. My mind just keeps running with thoughts about the "why"'s, the "if"'s, and the "how dare he"'s. Lately, I've been staying up until 2am, once even 5am, just overcome with these nagging thoughts. It's actually 2:25 right now where I am.

Today I finally figured out that I don't stay up at night because I miss him. I stay up at night because I'm still shell-shocked and angry about how it all went down. It still baffles me to think about the fact that he continued to tell me that he loved me more than anything, even after I found out he was cheating, and then not more than one day after I dump him, he's announcing that he's single on Instagram and flirting with other chicks, and has even reached out to some on dating sites.

It's just hard for me to wrap my head around... but the reality that it's not for me to wrap my head around anymore. I don't have to understand why he did what he did or why he's doing what he's doing now. I don't have to wonder about "what-ifs" and linger on whether he'll be better or worse without me. The truth is that he will just be. Just as I will be. No better or worse than before, just not together... continuing our separate journeys through life.

And lastly, I don't have to worry about the "how dare he" thoughts. Being stuck in that anger only ties me to a past that is no longer a part of my future. I need to look forward now and put energy into doing things that propel me toward where I want to be. And currently, I value stability, security, growth, and building a little more self-worth. So I'll do my best to focus on those things going forward.

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Pretzel · 61-69, M

it's like a death and you go through the grieving process

denial
bargaining
anger
acceptence

when you get to the point where you can say "this was just not a good fit for us both" it will be much easier to handle.

he shouldn't have cheated on you - and hopefully he won't cheat on the next girl...but he probably will.

find yourself a beta to control and that is worthy of you.

wtfgirl001 · 31-35, F

@Pretzel Whoa, that is so interesting. I was literally just looking up the greiving process on my phone this morning. Nice.
And haha, I love this reply. The last bit had me in stitches. I will definitely work on finding a better fit in the future, but I'm not sure the better fit is a beta male. I tend to like leaders and someone equal to me, but willing to give up that power sometimes during sexy stuff. Power exchange is one of my kinks.

Pretzel · 61-69, M

@wtfgirl001 then you are a perfect partner. He just wasn't worthy of you

4meAndyou · F

I know first hand how difficult it is to let go of anger. I was angry with the second ex for so long I thought I would be angry until I died...but I did get over it, and I've even forgiven him. We were married and had a child when he cheated on me, and then he felt he had to break into our house with a crowbar, stole things the courts gave to me, and left arson materials in the middle of our living room. My son grew up, and this piece of cancer on the world refused to pay child support for more than 10 years. Then he went on and did the same thing, to three more women, including the woman with whom he was cheating.

Anger can propel you, or eat you alive. If he didn't abandon you with a child, you are ahead of the game.

wtfgirl001 · 31-35, F

@4meAndyou Ooph, I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. And yes, with each day I'm able to count the blessings that I have from this breakup. One being that we didn't have any kids together or any shared assets, so it's much easier to have a clean break. Thank you for pointing that out. It helps to think of the positives.

BetweenKittensandRiots · 36-40, MVIP

I grew up in an era where women have achieved so much people wave their hands dismissively at the idea that we even need feminism and yet even still I read stories like this and feel sorry for women.

I am ethically nonmonogamous and with someone who wouldn't have it any other way but I still cant help but feel sorry for women.

also, infidelity bothers me because its deceptive, I am at least upfront with basically everyone instead of sneaking around behind anyone's back.

wtfgirl001 · 31-35, F

@BetweenKittensandRiots I think generalizations can lead to fallacious beliefs. Women (like every other human) are so unique, and we all love differently, many are involved in different types of relationships, aromantic, monogamous, ethically monogamous like yourself, and some are single, and some even cheat.

I am unsure as to why you "feel sorry for women" in general, but I hear your opinion.

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