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I Have Something to Say

The way I feel..

Another day, 1st of January 2018 - a new year, yay! so thankful to be alive and with a cold, that means I'm still here lol.

This might be a long story, but this is our place to vent, so why not right? maybe someone somewhere may find this relatable, and feel like they're not alone. I'm not afraid of sharing what I'm feeling right now, actually, what I've been feeling for a long time, now it's time to let it out, here, I could've written this in my diary on Microsoft Words, but I chose to write here, because I know some of you will bother to read this.

Anyway, I don't feel so good. Emotionally, and now it's just impacting me physically, I don't do the stuff I enjoy doing anymore - only some of those stuff whenever I can or whenever I'm ''allowed to''. You see, I don't have my own ''space'' or ''privacy'' as much as others my age - not saying everyone my age has privacy except me, I know a lot don't!

Why do I not feel good? because I keep recalling bad memories, bad experiences, bad friendships, My mind and heart keep reminding me of those moments whenever I feel down, whenever I have a new ''failed friendship'' or ''relationship''. But I'm keeping on the positive side of life, yet I've disconnected myself from the world - except from the family I live with. I've become so anti-social, I don't go out as much unless I need to, I used to love spending a lot of time with kids - I don't anymore, I can only bear spending a little time with them, and by a little I mean maximum an hour. I feel too stressed out, I feel drained, so disconnected, so numb. I pretend to be happy, I try to be happy, and I do feel happiness - sometimes.

I have so many plans, future plans - career wise, not so understood by the people around me, everyone thinks they could butt in and have a say on what I should be doing with my life. Mum, aunties even grandma nag me to get married! I tell them I'm not ready, I tell them please just support my dreams and ambitions instead of telling me to get married every time we sit together ever since I was 18, all I hear from them is ''Get married'', I'm tired of this cycle!

Tired of failing friendships, tired of people taking advantage of me, seeing me the wrong way, taking my kindness for granted!

Tired of feeling so left out of things when there is a family party, tired of not being part of so many things I've missed on, even when I was present! Tired of recalling bad memories, I'm really sick and tired of all of this pain in my mind, my heart my body!

I can fight this, I'm stronger than my weakness..

Thnx for reading.

x
wheels1972 · M
the things you are describing is anxiety it can be controlled. maybe see your doctor. it's ok to take time for your self. we all get anxious and a little low at times. it's part of growing I guess but look for help if you need it too. I hope you find your happy place again.
Starz93 · F
@wheels1972 yh it's anxiety.. thank you I hope that too ❤
freeb · 61-69, M
💙 thanks for sharing that, many of us have been through similar things, and are going through them right now. It's good to know we're not alone, you know?
Starz93 · F
@freeb yh.. true! ❤
DanielChristensen · 46-50, M
*hugs* You're a sweet kid. Time changes everything. You're gonna figure things out
Starz93 · F
@DanielChristensen thank you ❤
Whys0serious · 36-40, M
You’ve got a great attitude. You’ll be fine.

Happy New Year 🙂
Starz93 · F
@Whys0serious thank you, happy new year to you too!❤

 
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