After months of anxiety and hopeless thoughts due to the lack of sleep, I finally went to a doctor and was prescribed trazodone. Coming out of that doctor's office, I felt so relieved. Not because I was prescribed something (I never wanted to start taking pills but these seem harmless and are not addictive) but because when I was in that room I got to spill everything. It took little convincing too. I didn't realize how badly I needed someone to listen, like [i]really[/i] listen. It was embarrassing but I think I was desperate. It wasn't even my first time at the doctors for this. The previous appointment I had been too shy or ashamed of saying what I needed to say. For so long I kept asking for help, but my problem was I never explained why I needed it. I get so uncomfortable talking about my feelings because I don't want to seem like I'm doing anything for attention or I feel guilty because I know other people feel the same way. It's not I'm emotionally distant either. I'm [i]very[/i] open, but not in a way that satisfies that emotional need, you know? I still always feel I'm bottling something up, but I have no clue what it is since I put everything out there. I just don't convey my feelings very well and make a joke out of them instead. I'm working on it. If I' being honest, I don't think the pills are doing much. My sleep is still shit and I still feel on edge all the time but I think everything is going to be alright. As long as I keep working hard I think I might be okay.