I Can't Sleep When I Have Too Much On My Mind

I am tired. I have been tired for the past few months. I just can't seem to sleep anymore and I would blame it on stress but for some reason I feel embarrassed and guilty when I do. Everyone has stress, probably more stress than I do to be honest, so why should I blame my bad sleep and work habits on stress when it's not like i'm even productive? Now don't get confused either, I know not sleeping more than 3/4 hrs a night is a problem. I'm not that insecure that I can't tell when I need to ask for help, I mean I have been. However, since I'm a teenager I don't think anyone is taking it as seriously as I want to. Obviously, I am going to be biased and look at my situation as if it's the end of the world but no one is taking me serious. My friends are just as stressed as I am and also just as clueless so the most they can do is offer a comforting look and a joke to make me feel better, besides I've normally always held back talking about my problems with them, like really talking about them. Only recently have I started to open up and just let it all out but we have all gotten used to taking each others problems lightheartedly because of the manner we speak about them. It's always just a lousy attempt at trying not to sound like you're not complaining or actually upset by making jokes and smiling the entire time but it just ends up leaving the rest of the group feeling awkward and unsure on how to reply. Also we're all little bit of narcissists. Except for B, she always listens. Like really listens which makes me want to vent to her less because someone as caring and bright as her doesn't deserve to be the place where everyone dumps their issues. Then there's my family. I don't have a real relationship with my brother which I don't mind anymore, we love each other just don't know how to talk to each other. My oldest sisters either don't know how to deal with crying teenage girls or couldn't care less. Understandable but that means I'm down to 3 people. My twin sister had a depressive meltdown last year and has only recently been getting better and looking happy. I don't want to ruin that. She understands me the most though so when I'm really desperate I'll call her but I feel guilty every time because I wasn't as good as sister to her when she needed me than she is to me now. I usually just end up crying more. For this reason I find it hard to speak to my parents. My dad has always had the motto of "Always work, even when you're tired because discipline over laziness" which can be very motivating for things like working out but it just makes me more stressed about my job and school. I miss a day of school and I think the world is ending which is really unfortunate for me since I miss many days of school, which leads my dad into thinking that i'm lazy but really I am just tired. Most of the times I miss school it's either because I need to finish a project (there is no way to achieve high grades with the materials and time limits that school gives you AND balance the rest of your life) or I am exhausted. Last week I missed a day of school because I didn't sleep the entire night and when my alarm went off I physically couldn't make myself move because of how weak and tired I felt. I ended up just listening to my phone ring a million times for the next few hrs. I got yelled at. I understand why, I miss [b][i]alot[/i][/b] of days and before it wasn't a problem because I'd get good grades despite being there 3/5 days, but this year my courses require me to be at school to get graded or work done. Fortunately, my mom is a little bit more empathetic than my dad. She tries to be but she also doesn't know how to help so she usually comes off as condescending. I break down and cry and the crying tells her that " oh okay this situation is making her very upset" but she doesn't really comprehend what I tell her usually cause she isn't educated enough or because like me, she is also a narcissist and tries to find a way to make the situation about herself. For example, I have been very emotional because of the lack of sleep and stress at school and after a million of her basic solutions like "try to take a hot bath before going to sleep:)" I broke down crying because of the fact she was listening to what I was telling her and that I didn't know what to do. After taking offense to the fact that she was not Oprah Winfrey and yelling back at me all she could ask was " What? Do you want to see a doctor?" which made me even more upset because I don't want to seem overdramtic. I don't want to relive my sister's 2017 meltdown and cause more stress on more parents. I don't want to go to a doctor and have them diagnose me with something that'll satisfy my need for attention and then shit talk me. I just want to know what to do and to be able to have the energy to do it but I don't. I never do. I always get stuck staying up all night thinking about all the work I should have done and will need to do and then crying about it like I am right now. I just want to be happy again, but truth be told I don't think there has been a time in my life where I haven't felt angry or upset and that's what stresses me out, that if I fail now I won't be able to live my dreams and be happy. ):)