I Have Dark Thoughts Sometimes
Through kindergarten and 10th grade;mostly through 6th and 8th grade. Of getting someone back. For cutting me in line, blaming me for something, making me cry, taking something from me etc. I never really spoke up so I'd imagine scenarios in which I did speak up, snap, or something else. Many weren't really violent unless it was one where I'd just stalk and beat the shit out of them, never killing them. I'd just stalk them, have them tied down, make them explain aloud why they said what they said or did what they did. So them also hear themselves and how stupid their reasons were. Let them sit for hours or days, stare at them for long periods of time, run a knife or needle along their skin to make them wonder and think, make them talk about their demons and traumas. Just to let them know that I could do anything in the world if I chose to and wait for them to beg me with tears to let them go. A don't think it's super dark or even concerning. I thought all kids had those kinda thoughts but more bloody and violent, just kids running with their imagination. I don't think it's the magnitude of horrid nature of those type of ideas. Though I never saw it as really horrible because I knew I wasn't going to ever carryout these fantasies. It really sounds like something an angry teenager would say for shock value. I think I started thinking about them a lot less often after 8th because that was when I realized so much was my fault. But I still think about them. Just one little incident and they all come back.