I Am Having An Online Affair
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Potential mess

I always believed that the affair I had with my ex was the only affair I would have.
I hadn’t got over my feelings for him and it all felt natural because we had been together before.
Now I find myself chatting with a guy online, exchanging photos (nothing explicit) and thinking about him all the time.
We’ve had a phone call that lasted over an hour but could’ve gone on for longer. He’s so easy to talk to and he’s not bad looking either.
We’re planning on FaceTiming soon and we both say we’d love to meet up.
A part of me is glad he lives about 4 hours away as I know we would’ve met up by now if he was fairly close by.

I now have to face that my marriage maybe past saving. I do love my husband but not with any passion, I clearly don’t hold much respect for him or I wouldn’t treat him so poorly.
My husband would give me the world if he could but that’s not what I want or need.
I need someone who understands me and thinks on the same wavelength.
I honestly feel my husband thinks I’m mad most of the time & goes along with things because he doesn’t know how to cope without me.
If I leave him it wouldn’t be for the other guy, the fact I can have feelings so strong for someone else tells me I shouldn’t be with my husband anymore.
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HouseOfCards · 46-50, F
How long married?
HouseOfCards · 46-50, F
Kids? [@323615,OtherRealMe]
OtherRealMe · 46-50, F
Yes , 2. Old enough to have an understanding of why we might split but young enough to get a bit messed up by it too[@778935,HouseOfCards]
HouseOfCards · 46-50, F
[@323615,OtherRealMe] OK first of all forget about the online guy. He doesn’t count for anything and please don’t be fooled that he’s an easier man to get along with cause he hasn’t time to show his way of ugly yet. He cancels out. More on this later.

2) Don’t assume your hubs can’t cope without you. This is a very “self important” thing to think and I hear it all the time. No one is God. Everyone is human. People cope with the losses of people all the time. No one is is impossible to cope without, including ourselves. So that shouldn’t be a factor either. Don’t pity him. He will be good no matter what you decide.

3) I get the “not on same wavelength” deal myself. I’m not there with my spouse either a lot of the time. BUT you say he would give you the world. That’s really important to find and in the next relatnsp you might find someone else who couldn’t give a rats ass what you want or need. Be careful. Plus if he would give you the world, why not seek counselling, I bet he would be open to it cause it seems like he loves you.

3) You been married a long time. I was single a long time before i married at 40. Let me tell you from experience that dating at 35-40 is NOT like dating the last time you were single - which is why i said be careful about issue 1. Thé dating pool is messed up beyond belief after a certain age. It’s no picnic to find someone NORMAL nevermind suitable. And if you don’t, loneliness is a cruel partner. Trust me on that.

So in a nutshell - The grass is not greener on the other side. If it is, then water your own grass. You’d really just be trading one headache for another.

Now if you told me he was abusive, I’d change my tune. But he seems like a good guy based on what you say… try some counselling, and keep trying is my advice.
Sorry to hear all that
Keepitsimple · 51-55, F
People who have affairs are never happy. They are constantly tormented and never at peace. They don’t want what they have and they don’t want what they are chasing. It’s an internal misfiring.
nedkelly · M
First - you need to find yourself before you may regret your decision

It takes a brave lady to look for happiness especially when she is lost in a unhappy marriage

 
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I Am Having An Online Affair
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