I Want to Know God's Plans For Me
Jerimiah 29:11. I like that verse. What are God's plans for me? I'm a single father. Two girls 12 and 10. Right now I know what I have to do. Be the best father for them as much as possible. I'm a RCIA candidate. (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults.) This Easter Sunday I will receive my confirmation in the Roman Catholic Church. I grew up as a Independent Fundamental Baptist. Over my life so far I've been tossed around among numerous religions and absence of the same. So I'm going Roman Catholic. Gonna stick with this because I believe this is the Church that Jesus Christ ordained. I've got an annulment pending. The Diocese doesn't like people coming into the Church unless past marriages have been annulled. My priest said I could come in as long as I agree not to date women until my annulment is approved. I made that agreement because it's a small price to pay.
But what's gonna happen when my annulment is approved? Am I gonna jump back into the dating pool? Or am I gonna remain single, focusing on being there for my daughters until they grow up?
What happens then? Get back into the dating pool at 55 years old? After remaining single for another 10 years? My life is gonna be empty after my children are grown up. And over my lifetime I've been terrible with meeting quality women. I'm a service-connected disabled American military veteran. That means I became disabled in the line of serving my country. From all outward appearances, I'm a real American hero. Women I've dated will tell you there was no chemistry. And the ones who stuck with me stuck with me to use me. Long story short: I'm a good guy. But totally incompatible with keeping a healthy long term relationship with a stable woman.
I've been out of a serious relationship for over a year. And I appreciate having my personal time to myself. With no wife or girlfriend telling me what to do. The only time I'm obligated is every other weekend (court appointed holidays and two weeks per year) when I have my daughters.
What happens when my daughters grow up and I have no further obligations? Do I get good at finding and keeping a quality woman who is equally as eligible as I will be once my annulment is finalized? That's gonna be really hard, especially when I've learned to live and appreciate living single.
But I'm gonna have to find some kind of fulfillment. So it's possible that I could be called to a religious life as a monk or even a priest. Me living the life as a monk? Or serving as a priest? Giving up women the rest of my life? That's a scary thought. Because I want to have a woman. To cuddle up with at night. And to hold when life seems to be going all wrong. But in my worst times I've always faced them alone. Even if I was in a committed relationship. The mates I have chosen have not helped me through bad situations. They've only complicated them and made them worse. God got me through them and no one else.
Anyway, I don't know if I have a calling. And I won't know for years. But I would like to know because I would like to know where I'm going with my life.
But what's gonna happen when my annulment is approved? Am I gonna jump back into the dating pool? Or am I gonna remain single, focusing on being there for my daughters until they grow up?
What happens then? Get back into the dating pool at 55 years old? After remaining single for another 10 years? My life is gonna be empty after my children are grown up. And over my lifetime I've been terrible with meeting quality women. I'm a service-connected disabled American military veteran. That means I became disabled in the line of serving my country. From all outward appearances, I'm a real American hero. Women I've dated will tell you there was no chemistry. And the ones who stuck with me stuck with me to use me. Long story short: I'm a good guy. But totally incompatible with keeping a healthy long term relationship with a stable woman.
I've been out of a serious relationship for over a year. And I appreciate having my personal time to myself. With no wife or girlfriend telling me what to do. The only time I'm obligated is every other weekend (court appointed holidays and two weeks per year) when I have my daughters.
What happens when my daughters grow up and I have no further obligations? Do I get good at finding and keeping a quality woman who is equally as eligible as I will be once my annulment is finalized? That's gonna be really hard, especially when I've learned to live and appreciate living single.
But I'm gonna have to find some kind of fulfillment. So it's possible that I could be called to a religious life as a monk or even a priest. Me living the life as a monk? Or serving as a priest? Giving up women the rest of my life? That's a scary thought. Because I want to have a woman. To cuddle up with at night. And to hold when life seems to be going all wrong. But in my worst times I've always faced them alone. Even if I was in a committed relationship. The mates I have chosen have not helped me through bad situations. They've only complicated them and made them worse. God got me through them and no one else.
Anyway, I don't know if I have a calling. And I won't know for years. But I would like to know because I would like to know where I'm going with my life.