I dont even know how to explain what its like cause I feel like a freak lmao🤣
Its so weird though when you feel like a different person in your own body. Gets worse with depersonalization, basically its like being in a dream all the time. Like you're asleep for a very long time or like you're a corpse walking around. My identity issues crop up around this time since I am less connected with myself. Esp when something stressful happens and I want to disappear. I talk about it a lot because its uncomfortable and weird.
I have an image of what I look like. Self-image. but it doesn't match the one in the mirror. Male, mousy brown straight hair, light colored brown eyes, pale skin, tall, thin. As well as my voice being different or deeper than it actually is.
Completely opposite of me who is short in reality, green eyes, curly dark long hair, and female. I also am short and have big boobs so just feels so weird.
Because I feel like I'm tall, thin and I see myself mentally as this man. I feel bulky, as if I'm in his body. But then I look in the mirror and it doesn't match and its like I dont recognize myself and its a stranger. Like it feels wrong. I dont know why I'm this way. I feel out of it lately and all of this feels extra uncomfortable.
It doesn't make me suicidal but it makes me feel like this isn't my body and I want out of it. Because I dont recognize myself and the self image doesn't match. And like I desperately want to be this other person because I dont feel myself and so it makes things painful.