Bad Luck with New Friends [I Need New Friends]
I am old and finding it hard, or maybe impossible, to make any new friends. I moved to this area 3 years ago after being illegally evicted from my old apartment in Hollywood, California. I am now living in Upland, CA about 70 miles away. My old neighborhood was socially destroyed when a big corporation bought up the apartment buildings on our block and illegally evicted all the old people in order to turn our apartments into AirB&B rooms. We fought it legally but lost; the head of the housing commission testified at one of our court sessions saying his government organization has less money and resources than the big corporations buying all the apartment buildings so they always win.
So now I've been here for 3 years and trying to make new friends has been a disaster. Here is a list and a description of what's happened each time I've met someone I believed was a good candidate for friendship:
1. Carol, an older lady and a widow who was alone in the world after her only child, a son, died in a car accident a few years ago. We had some things in common, including a love of gardening and reading. She was very friendly and wrote down her name, and all her contact information on a piece of paper and handed it to me, suggesting we find a time and get together for a visit.
After about 4 days, I decided to call her and ask her to join me in a gardening project. When she answered the phone, she said she didn't remember who I was and was not very friendly. I tried reminding her but she insisted she didn't know who I was. Later, her friend (who'd introduced us) said she had a bad memory and suggested I call her again. I did. This time she said she remembered me but she didn't sound very friendly. I asked her if she would like to help me plant some flowers in my garden; she said she would and agreed to come to my house at 9:00 AM the next day; she never showed up, never called. Our mutual friend insisted I should try again, it was just a memory problem. So I did. She sounded muddled and said she had no memory of our gardening day appointment. She agreed to show up the next day to help me plant my flowers. This time she showed up--but dressed up in fancy clothes and high heels, not appropriate for a garden project. I gave her a chair to sit in and planted my flowers without help while she watched. Later, I invited her to lunch at a restaurant she said she liked. She was pleasant enough but did not act like she wanted to get to know me any better. We had a good lunch, but it was apparent she did not see me as a possible friend. I gave up. Should've given up sooner was my feeling.
2. Vicki. Met through a mutual friend at a holiday party. We seemed to hit it off. I had lost my driver's license due to being very ill; the CA Hwy Patrol took away my license when I drove in a confused and reckless manner due to a high fever caused by a serious illness for which I was receiving very bad medical care. It was not a punishment, just a temporary confiscation of my license for my own safety. I got official permission to get my license back when I'd finally got good medical care and recovered but I had to take the tests again to get it back (written and road tests). I got 100% on the written test although they doubled the number of questions to make it harder. I also got a perfect score on the eyesight test although I took it one day after having eye surgery for cataracts. Now I needed to pass the road test, but I didn't have a car (my car had died). Vicki offered to loan me her car and go with me to the DMV to take the test. I don't want to bore you with all the details of my bad day at the DMV, so I'll just say that after she caused a delay of four hours by getting my test postponed, she bribed the examiner to flunk me in the test! I am a pretty good driver with an excellent driving record so he decided to give me a low score (which I did not deserve!) but pass me anyway. He gave her back the money right after the test and she went ballistic screaming at him in front of the DMV. She screamed so loud and so long (about 10 minutes) that a crowd gathered. That was one of the ways I figured out that she'd tried to bribe him to flunk me. Later she admitted this to our mutual friend. I still have NO idea whatsoever why she did this and I haven't been able to figure it out. During this same time period, she borrowed my sewing machine. When she brought it back to me right after the DMV incident, it was broken and now requires a $450 repair to function again. And she glared at me as she explained this, as if to make it very clear that this was intentional. Her hostility toward me is obvious. I don't trust her! We got along well when we met but it's now obvious she really is anything but a friend. She appears to be more of an enemy. Our mutual friend has no idea why Vicki has behaved like this, or at least that's what she said.
3. Met a guy on this website who wanted to meet me. We made a date. I drove 4 hours to get to his town, took a room in a motel. He never showed up! I was disappointed and somewhat depressed about it. I kind of assume he took a look at me from a distance and decided I am too ugly to spend time with; I am fat. Yes I have made attempts to lose weight but haven't been successful so far. I used to belong to a gym but it closed. I like to swim and do it regularly. Whatever you may think, I do not live on sodas and donuts.
4. Sherry: Met a young woman at my church. She wanted to learn how to do home canning. She had fruit trees in her yard and wanted to preserve the fruit. I am an avid home canner and have a lot of very good equipment and jars etc. We seemed to get along. She was eager to have a canning session at her home. Later, she stopped speaking to me suddenly for no obvious reason. I checked into it and found out that her husband hates my ethnicity! He forbid her to be friends with me. My church teaches wives to obey their husbands so she felt she had no choice. I am the same ethnicity as Jesus Christ and am not ashamed of it.
5. Kevin. He is my housemate. I live in a roominghouse with 5 people living here (there were 6 but one guy died last week). Kevin is the new guy, just moved in last month. I really liked him although he is 20 years younger than I am. He is intelligent, witty and playful, a fun kinda guy. So I was friendly to him, hoping I was making a new friend. But after we'd known each other for about a week, he told me that he didn't consider me someone he could ever be friends with because I obviously have no self-discipline (I'm fat) plus I am a boring person. He used a common excuse for insulting me, "I'm just being honest." So I've crossed him off the list of prospective friends. In fact, we now are officially enemies and are planning a duel with water pistols in the near future (with ice water); we now openly hate each other! Recently, he bragged that every male member of his family has a bumper sticker reading NO FAT CHICKS. I am thinking of putting one on my car that reads: NO ASSHOLES. This guy brings out the worst in me. Not a friend!
So this is my sad history of trying to make a friend here. I have decided to move north to live with my niece and her family in Portland, Oregon in a few months; my niece is looking for a house to rent or buy up there. Maybe I'll have better luck in Portland. It couldn't be much worse, could it?
By the way, I do have ONE friend here, the one who introduced me to the memory-loss lady and my DMV saboteur. She and I are good friends; she even reads my stories on here. But she has a very long commute plus a very demanding job (I used to work with her, that's how we met about 10 years ago) so when she gets time off she has a lot of chores to do and she also is a nice kind lady with many friends. Basically, I just don't get to see her that often though we both try. I just spent a wonderful Thanksgiving with her. I am deeply grateful for her friendship but wish I could see her more often. However, I am not eager to know any of her friends considering what meeting two of them was like.
So now I've been here for 3 years and trying to make new friends has been a disaster. Here is a list and a description of what's happened each time I've met someone I believed was a good candidate for friendship:
1. Carol, an older lady and a widow who was alone in the world after her only child, a son, died in a car accident a few years ago. We had some things in common, including a love of gardening and reading. She was very friendly and wrote down her name, and all her contact information on a piece of paper and handed it to me, suggesting we find a time and get together for a visit.
After about 4 days, I decided to call her and ask her to join me in a gardening project. When she answered the phone, she said she didn't remember who I was and was not very friendly. I tried reminding her but she insisted she didn't know who I was. Later, her friend (who'd introduced us) said she had a bad memory and suggested I call her again. I did. This time she said she remembered me but she didn't sound very friendly. I asked her if she would like to help me plant some flowers in my garden; she said she would and agreed to come to my house at 9:00 AM the next day; she never showed up, never called. Our mutual friend insisted I should try again, it was just a memory problem. So I did. She sounded muddled and said she had no memory of our gardening day appointment. She agreed to show up the next day to help me plant my flowers. This time she showed up--but dressed up in fancy clothes and high heels, not appropriate for a garden project. I gave her a chair to sit in and planted my flowers without help while she watched. Later, I invited her to lunch at a restaurant she said she liked. She was pleasant enough but did not act like she wanted to get to know me any better. We had a good lunch, but it was apparent she did not see me as a possible friend. I gave up. Should've given up sooner was my feeling.
2. Vicki. Met through a mutual friend at a holiday party. We seemed to hit it off. I had lost my driver's license due to being very ill; the CA Hwy Patrol took away my license when I drove in a confused and reckless manner due to a high fever caused by a serious illness for which I was receiving very bad medical care. It was not a punishment, just a temporary confiscation of my license for my own safety. I got official permission to get my license back when I'd finally got good medical care and recovered but I had to take the tests again to get it back (written and road tests). I got 100% on the written test although they doubled the number of questions to make it harder. I also got a perfect score on the eyesight test although I took it one day after having eye surgery for cataracts. Now I needed to pass the road test, but I didn't have a car (my car had died). Vicki offered to loan me her car and go with me to the DMV to take the test. I don't want to bore you with all the details of my bad day at the DMV, so I'll just say that after she caused a delay of four hours by getting my test postponed, she bribed the examiner to flunk me in the test! I am a pretty good driver with an excellent driving record so he decided to give me a low score (which I did not deserve!) but pass me anyway. He gave her back the money right after the test and she went ballistic screaming at him in front of the DMV. She screamed so loud and so long (about 10 minutes) that a crowd gathered. That was one of the ways I figured out that she'd tried to bribe him to flunk me. Later she admitted this to our mutual friend. I still have NO idea whatsoever why she did this and I haven't been able to figure it out. During this same time period, she borrowed my sewing machine. When she brought it back to me right after the DMV incident, it was broken and now requires a $450 repair to function again. And she glared at me as she explained this, as if to make it very clear that this was intentional. Her hostility toward me is obvious. I don't trust her! We got along well when we met but it's now obvious she really is anything but a friend. She appears to be more of an enemy. Our mutual friend has no idea why Vicki has behaved like this, or at least that's what she said.
3. Met a guy on this website who wanted to meet me. We made a date. I drove 4 hours to get to his town, took a room in a motel. He never showed up! I was disappointed and somewhat depressed about it. I kind of assume he took a look at me from a distance and decided I am too ugly to spend time with; I am fat. Yes I have made attempts to lose weight but haven't been successful so far. I used to belong to a gym but it closed. I like to swim and do it regularly. Whatever you may think, I do not live on sodas and donuts.
4. Sherry: Met a young woman at my church. She wanted to learn how to do home canning. She had fruit trees in her yard and wanted to preserve the fruit. I am an avid home canner and have a lot of very good equipment and jars etc. We seemed to get along. She was eager to have a canning session at her home. Later, she stopped speaking to me suddenly for no obvious reason. I checked into it and found out that her husband hates my ethnicity! He forbid her to be friends with me. My church teaches wives to obey their husbands so she felt she had no choice. I am the same ethnicity as Jesus Christ and am not ashamed of it.
5. Kevin. He is my housemate. I live in a roominghouse with 5 people living here (there were 6 but one guy died last week). Kevin is the new guy, just moved in last month. I really liked him although he is 20 years younger than I am. He is intelligent, witty and playful, a fun kinda guy. So I was friendly to him, hoping I was making a new friend. But after we'd known each other for about a week, he told me that he didn't consider me someone he could ever be friends with because I obviously have no self-discipline (I'm fat) plus I am a boring person. He used a common excuse for insulting me, "I'm just being honest." So I've crossed him off the list of prospective friends. In fact, we now are officially enemies and are planning a duel with water pistols in the near future (with ice water); we now openly hate each other! Recently, he bragged that every male member of his family has a bumper sticker reading NO FAT CHICKS. I am thinking of putting one on my car that reads: NO ASSHOLES. This guy brings out the worst in me. Not a friend!
So this is my sad history of trying to make a friend here. I have decided to move north to live with my niece and her family in Portland, Oregon in a few months; my niece is looking for a house to rent or buy up there. Maybe I'll have better luck in Portland. It couldn't be much worse, could it?
By the way, I do have ONE friend here, the one who introduced me to the memory-loss lady and my DMV saboteur. She and I are good friends; she even reads my stories on here. But she has a very long commute plus a very demanding job (I used to work with her, that's how we met about 10 years ago) so when she gets time off she has a lot of chores to do and she also is a nice kind lady with many friends. Basically, I just don't get to see her that often though we both try. I just spent a wonderful Thanksgiving with her. I am deeply grateful for her friendship but wish I could see her more often. However, I am not eager to know any of her friends considering what meeting two of them was like.
70-79, F
