I Have Low Self Esteem

I hate my body. I feel so fat. So in order to reach my goal I'm practically starving myself ; and the only reason I'm doing this is to see if the man (Ben) with hit me up after my "glo" up. It's a phycological thinng ig. He probably won't. It will lower my self esteem. If he does. It will still lower my self esteem.
Lose lose situation.