I Am Thinking About My Life

i feel like i'm standing in a large shallow lake and there's a bottomless sinkhole right in the middle that stretches hundreds of meters, and i'm being asked to swim across.
i don't know what's in that sinkhole, i don't know if there's a current waiting to drag me down, or if the water's too cold or choppy to be in. but if i remain in the shallows where it's warm and comfortable, i'll drown, no question about it.
i get the shakes just thinking about it.