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I found this thing from a novel I wrote when I was 14, lol.

Don't love me, I scream internally. 

Even through all the pain my heart carried,  I have never been able to cry.

I was drought. I was empty. 

Any insult, any compliment, I am indifferent to in question of sentiment. 

I know that it hurts. I know that it saddens me. And i know that it breaks my heart. But even then, my eyes don't fog up at all.

Is it possible for a person to cry without tears coming from their eyes? 

Is it really necessary?

It is what i do most nights, days, and evenings. No one noticed because there is no trace of humidity in my eyes.


Don't feel anything for me, I plead.  I am not a trustworthy person. 

I am a person who has lost their soul. I am a person that, since the beginning, has never been able to do anything right. I am an idiot, i know.

Don't look at me, I lie. I want your eyes on me always. 

With your sweet voice, caress me with every desperate note and creak of your throat. I am weak.

Get away from me, it's the best thing, i think. Someone as perfect as you is not someone for me. Nor i for you. Please leave. 

Let everything die, I sigh. My voice breaks, even within my cephalic coat. It's pathetic. I hope you will obey my orders, and that you will stop being so attentive to me, and that you will stop trying to understand all the things i do. 

Do you really want to see me cry for real? I will end as dust, the same way i came into this world. 

I am done warning you. 

Be free, fly without me. I'm sure you'll be  a lovely angel. 

Forget me when the moment comes. Do not fill yourself with me. You are pure. Do not remember me, clean that part of yourself. Erase me completely and totally. Every track, and place in which i have been. 

I do not deserve being in your memories and thoughts. Close your eyes, and do not see me anymore. I am not worthy. 



(Note: I was experimenting with writing in a different language, so this is a literal translation, lol)
Lol it reminds me of the narrator part they often have in kdramas like when the girl is being dramatic and is talking to herself about how dramatic she’s being. 😆 It’s pretty neat for only being 14 at the time though I couldn’t finish because I’m not going to lie it did make me cringe a bit. I have FanFiction stories and just other stories I wrote when I was around that age too and I can’t even read them because of how cringy and embarrassing they are to me.
SW-User
@Stark Bruh, like, this shit is so bad, but I felt like sharing it 😂 I used to post on fanfiction sites and stuff. Like, I would write straight ass fanfiction for Doctor Who, Avatar the Last Airbender, Death Note, Twilight...it was so bad. It's like looking at an ugly childhood photo.
@SW-User 😂😂 omgggg I would do that shit too but your stories probably would have been some that I would have been into. I can just see me reading this around that time and being so into it 😆
SW-User
@Stark Yeah, and I would write freaking wattpad stories about teacher/student relationships and weird ass stuff. I was freaking wild. Those were strange times...
Nice...reminds me of an incomplete novel I wrote at 16. I looked back at it a few months ago and it was so sad and depressing that I just saved it on a usb and threw it in my closet lol.
SW-User
@Insomniac100 I used to write shit on wattpad. So cringe.
SW-User
So corny,reminds me of the poem i wrote to this chick 😭
SW-User
@SW-User Lol, I know. I think only the last freaking paragraph is halfway decent. Everything else is wack as hell. I was like, "What???"
SW-User
@SW-User same
I found my 8 year old writing book. I had a pet dinosaur. I really should have been an author
SW-User
@BeefySenpie Something you could totally do. But you decided to be beefy instead.
5thApprentice · 31-35, M
Damn, I’m bleeding from all dat edge.
SW-User
@5thApprentice Same. I cringe. I mean, it's a good story on its own. It's just the writing that is terrible. Imma go back one of these days and edit the shit out of it.
5thApprentice · 31-35, M
Keep the original too though. It’s nice to have something of your younger self. Even if it cringe. 🙂@SW-User
Lostpoet · M
Wow, you wrote that at fourteen?? 😳
SW-User
@Lostpoet I'm guessing you mean "wrote". And yeah, the last it was edited was on September of 2014, apparently.
Vetrov · 61-69, M
Sounds a bit like me.....
marsbar · F
This is great at 14! Even the words you’re using & expressions. It sounds so grown up, as if you’ve experienced such tragedy in your life, love & despair.

Keep writing. It seems to be your outlet. :)
SW-User
@marsbar Lol, I was trying to write in Spanish because my family always complained that they couldn't read my stories. At the time, I thought it would help me be more creative, since I had a more limited vocabulary than I did in English. Sometimes when I write in English, I focus too much on word use. But when I wrote this in Spanish, I didn't have as many options. I guess that's why it comes out all weird, haha.
gdon39 · 41-45, M
The second to last paragraph is my favorite in a brief but excellent piece
MethDozer · M
That's dark.

 
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