I am in a Strange State...

I've done something I'm not and never will be proud of [all you need to know is that it isn't the first time, won't be the last time, and no, its not illegal or will hurt anyone]

I feel bad about because I know it will affect any potential connection I might one day have with someone else. This connection hasn't happened yet and I can't say if it ever will, but I want it to, and yet this bad habit that's so hard to kick may very well affect any chance I have.

I feel bad, but... I also feel.. happy, almost? Not for my bad habit, obviously, nor at the chances of this connection being lessened, but I guess I feel kind of happy that I know this individual -even if very little, and that I know said individual is not a terrible person.

I guess you could say... that I'm happy what draws me to this individual is still intact.

Its a very weird feeling to have