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Do you know where you're going?

It's real easy to get lost on this highway of life.

So I wanted to know if anyone has found what they were looking for? If anyone has found their way?

For me, I've hit a wall. I can't go under it, around it, nor through it. I'm not sure why. I am praying about it as I speak. But it is not easy...

Now I'm thinking of that Rascal Flatts song "Life is a Highway" 😌

Come share your thoughts and advise if you have it.
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thepreposterouspanda · 31-35, M
I have absolutely no idea. Gave up planning or trying to figure it out a long time ago haha.
theramengirl · 26-30, C
@thepreposterouspanda Is that scary?
thepreposterouspanda · 31-35, M
@theramengirl It is, but also kind of unavoidable. 😅 I was in survival mode for so long and I'm still trying to figure out how to get back into the world.

My reality stepped off the normal path pretty hard. :)
theramengirl · 26-30, C
@thepreposterouspanda I'm sorry ❤ I pray you make it back. I pray I make it back too. Maybe I'll see you there? And maybe you'll free again?
thepreposterouspanda · 31-35, M
@theramengirl I'll always be trapped in a body that doesn't work quite as well as it used to, but it's helped me see a lot of the beauty in the world that never mattered to me before. :)

We'll definitely both be out there again! :3
theramengirl · 26-30, C
@thepreposterouspanda :) you're positivity and optimism is very encouraging. I love your testimony. And I think you're right; we'll both be out there again. Can't wait!
thepreposterouspanda · 31-35, M
@theramengirl I think the important thing is to not try and force it, ya know? I've gotten a job a couple of times and gone to school once since I got sick and it hasn't worked out. I really, really beat myself up about it at the time, but I'm trying not to let each setback be so drastic. 😅
theramengirl · 26-30, C
@thepreposterouspanda Why does that sound like me haha. I've messed up so many jobs and school for sure. It's hard. Knowing you've screwed up and you can't go back and change it. So hard, and it feels unfair in some ways.
thepreposterouspanda · 31-35, M
@theramengirl It definitely is unfair, but we're also awesome for having persevered through the darkness! :3

As lovely as it would be to be able to un-do some of it, we're just robbing ourselves of the future by allowing the regret to overpower us. :)
theramengirl · 26-30, C
@thepreposterouspanda I guess you're right. I probably wouldn't have learned what I've learned if I just went back in time to change it. :) It's fun to think about lol but..yea. No bueno. ^_^ we are we are due to the past that forged us.
thepreposterouspanda · 31-35, M
@theramengirl As much as some of it sucked hahaha. I wouldn't re-live 2011 for all the money in the world. 😂
theramengirl · 26-30, C
@thepreposterouspanda Just one of those years, yeah? lol I feel you. I'd replay 2016-2019 if I could haha
thepreposterouspanda · 31-35, M
@theramengirl I broke my hip in June of 2011 and it was broken until that next January when I had it replaced. 😅 Lots of pain and pain meds and whatever else haha.
theramengirl · 26-30, C
@thepreposterouspanda Oh no..I'm so sorry. No I don't blame you for not wanting to relive that period in your life. I can't imagine the pain you must have felt.
thepreposterouspanda · 31-35, M
@theramengirl It went undiagnosed for five weeks too, so I was trying to combat it with tylenol. :D (Spoiler alert, it did not work XD )

Just so incredibly frustrating, dealing with SO many doctors who were unwilling to listen to me. It's why I'm so hesitant when dealing with them now.
theramengirl · 26-30, C
@thepreposterouspanda Really? You we're really trying to tough it out then. I had a similar problem this year. Self-medicating, finally went to the doctor, found out I had pneumonia in my right lung. It hurt like hell.

That's understandable. I would probably be hesitant too. The best doctors are the ones who take the time to listen to you. And try to figure it out before prescribing a bunch of meds that don't seem to help either.
thepreposterouspanda · 31-35, M
@theramengirl More just that everyone I saw to get help was completely incompetent XD I went to the ER the night that I fell and they didn't pick up on it. Spent four days at Emory, and THEY didn't pick up on it. Went to Resurgens Orthopedics and they told me I was fine.

Meanwhile, I was sleeping maybe two hours a night and crying a lot because even the slightest movement made my leg spasm. It had been numb up to the point I broke it thanks to an autoimmune disorder that had attacked my brain the year before and left me disabled (hence the fall woo!)

I've never had pneumonia so I can only imagine how unpleasant that was! :( Was it only pain when you breathed ("only", I know XD) or just in general? :/
theramengirl · 26-30, C
@thepreposterouspanda I feel for you completely. Non of that sounds easy, I probably would have curled up and died, but you really toughed it out, huh? :D Which I'm glad you did, glad you made it through despite dealing with a lot of incompetent people.

What sort of autoimmune disorder, if you don't mind my asking? I've never heard of that but that sounds really scary tbh.

At first I thought I was having a heart attack. It felt like my chest was collapsing. Whenever I tried to lay down the pain intensified so I spent most of my time sitting up. I could barely walk, I self-medicated with ibuprofen 800 mg almost everyday up until I went to the hospital. Never felt anything like it, don't want to ever again lol >_<
thepreposterouspanda · 31-35, M
@theramengirl I'm far too stubborn to let a silly thing like brain lesions take me out!! (Just kidding, I'm glad they're under control hahaha)

It's a disorder called sarcoidosis and specifically neurosarcoidosis in the brain. It causes lesions on whichever organ it affects and can affect any organ in the body; I have it in my brain, lungs, kidneys, and parotid glands. :)

That sounds absolutely terrifying. :( And your poor kidneys too! That's so much Ibuprofen! 😅 Bodies are so amazing and so dumb at the same time hahaha.
theramengirl · 26-30, C
@thepreposterouspanda Wow. I just looked that up. Never knew something like that existed. How long have you had this disorder? Is it deadly? (didn't read that part if it exists)

It sounds really scary, but it's a good think you're so tough, I mean stubborn ;) haha

It was scary. It actually scared the doctor because it looked worse on the x-ray than on the ct scan. I've been drinking lots of water to help with that lol they're not dumb, just prone to getting hooked on anything that makes us feel better. Our bodies love pleasure :D nasty sacks of meat hehe
thepreposterouspanda · 31-35, M
@theramengirl Everything went totally insane in 2010, but I think I've had it since I was about 10; we were living in an old building and I had bronchitis four or five times that summer... or so I thought haha. It may have just been the sarcoid getting settled in. XD

Water is delicious anyway, so I'm glad that helps!! :3 But yes, they're disgusting and fascinating and all kinds of things hahaha.
thepreposterouspanda · 31-35, M
@theramengirl They really do get hung up on things though, don't they? I got SO lucky that I didn't have an issue coming off of opioids. I was on Fentanyl and Percocet for about seven months. 🛸😂
theramengirl · 26-30, C
@thepreposterouspanda So you've been battling this all your life? That is insane! Did it hurt back then? When you were a kid?

:D it is delicious lol I try to get enough everyday but sometimes the coffee takes over -_- that decadent drink is the bane of my existence.
theramengirl · 26-30, C
@thepreposterouspanda Absolutely! I'm so happy I'm only addicted to one thing at a time and pills happen to be one thing I loathe! lmao opioids is a monster to get strung out on. I'm glad I don't care for them as they do nothing for me. Maybe cause I'm already coo-coo for cocoa puffs? :D lol
thepreposterouspanda · 31-35, M
@theramengirl It's so hard to remember at this point! 😩 I've got pretty big chunks of memory that are fuzzy thanks to all the craziness haha. Almost feels like a different life sometimes. 🙃

I loooove coffee! Actually about to go heat some up right now. :) It's raining and my legs/feet are cramping haha.
thepreposterouspanda · 31-35, M
@theramengirl I'm actually eating a bowl of that Dunkin Donuts cereal right now and all I can think of is Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs from Calvin and Hobbes hahaha.