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I Like to Write About How I Feel

Sometimes, I lie to myself and say that im fine and that everything is ok. Everything is ok. But the the silence seems to pierce my ears. The silence that I used to covet and made me so "happy" brings me 100x more saddness. Sometimes I tell my self that I am ok and im not depressed, especially on good days and I believe but one thing can set me off and a good day turns into a terrible day, week, month, please don't let these feelings last the entire year. I think I need to find something to make me happy but nothing moves me and i can just lay here staring at the ceiling doing nothing and then feeling empty and feeling nothing and feeling sad and all of these emotions. I wish people would stop asking me about my damn plans after I graduate. Shit I didn't even plan to make it this far in life but here I am. You know some people may look down on me but I think it a miracle that I haven't killed myself and just with that I think I can tell myself Im doing good in life because Im not dead but then who knows death might be better. I am always telling myself that I don't care but then I run back to my apartment and realize just how terrified I am of life and just how scared I might also be of death and so here I am trapped.

I feel like since im alive I should try to do things that make me happy and find meaning in the things I do but sometimes I just can't find meaning in anything and I wonder why am I doing this. or that and I look at all things in life and feel dissatisfaction. I just want to wrap myself in my blankets and sleep all day and pretend that time and life will wait for me to feel better. I feel like time is rushing me sometimes and i really wish I could just stop it and cry for a few hours or just sleep for a few days, or just stare into the the oblivion or just my empty future.
I know everybody says "it'll pass" and "give it time", but if you're not happy now something has to happen now. It feels like you're living for everyone else and the future and totally missing right now. It's a very depressing thought, but it's a very real one, one that will help you grow as a person. I want to help you get through this because I know how it is to want the sweet void and how hard it is to keep pushing. You need something to enjoy in the moment and feel no regret about.
I know we haven't been talking for long, but I care about you and I want you to be happy. You're always so fun when you're happy. =)
If you can think of anything you enjoy, anything at all, just do it. Don't think too hard about it, just go and do it
@TURTLEGOD I know the feeling. It's like you're just emotionally dead. At least sleep usually fixes it on the surface so you can feel again. =)
Caring is what I do! If you ever need to talk just message me. 😋
@FormerChild Sleep is sometimes like a restart button, at least on emotions. And thanks again
@TURTLEGOD Of course, I couldn't just leave you hanging. 😁 (Hopefully not literally! 😵)
RubySoo · 56-60, F
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I wish I could offer some words of comfort....sending hugs....simply coz I hate to think of people hurting and feeling so down on themselves x🤗

 
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