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Is it wrong for a heterosexual woman in a loving relationship to state that she does not need a man?

Poll - Total Votes: 26

BAD dont say it

Its not wrong but it insults male partner

I am woman hear me roar!

You can only vote on one answer.

I was having a conversation with some family and they found this statement incredibly insulting to my husband but I do not think that the statement is insulting although I do understand that many women have used this particular tagline as as a point of hate toward or contention against men but I wasn't using it in that way. I was told that as a heterosexual woman this statement can never be positive.
Thoughts?

Top | Newest First | Oldest First

drymer · 56-60, M

I think it's rather a compliment to your husband... Basically you are saying that you live with your husband not because you "need a man", but because you "want / love" your husband... I don't understand how that can be possibly insulting... Maybe they misconstrued what you said and interpreted that you were saying your husband was "useless" or something...?
🤔

Ingwe · F

my view is
it's not insulting
you don't need him
you want him

BlueVeins · 22-25

It's not really a gender thing, just kinda hurtful to hear that someone you love "doesn't need" you. IDK if I'd say it's morally wrong, but I don't think you should be surprised that people are weirded out by it. Also depends on the relationship in question (i.e. dating for 2 weeks vs 6 years & engaged).

BlueVeins · 22-25

although if you say "I don't need you I'm with you 'cause [i]love[/i] you" or something like that, I think that'd take the sting out of it & maybe make 'em feel better than they would have if you said nothing.

drymer · 56-60, M

Reading all the comments it seems that lot of people are confusing "Need" with "Love", as if "[i]loving[/i] someone" implied "[i]needing[/i] someone". These are very different things. I know it's very romantic to say "I [i]need[/i] you" to a loved one. People like to be [i]needed[/i] and [i]wanted[/i]. But seriously people, love is something else. To "[i]need a man[/i]" or to "[i]need a woman[/i]" has absolutely nothing to do with love.

zonavar68 · 51-55, M

@drymer Maybe a person needs to feel wanted. ;-) Otherwise a relationship has no basis or is one-way only with no requitement.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@drymer I agree with what you said and at 1 time in my life I was a hopeless romantic and I would have agreed with preferring to say that I needed my husband but unfortunately life dealt me situations beyond my control and people in my life made decisions that forced me to confront the reality that I do not need a man

drymer · 56-60, M

@zonavar68 But "wanted" is different than "needed". I may [i]want[/i] chocolate ice cream but I don't [i]need[/i] it. The fact that I don't [i]need[/i] chocolate ice cream doesn't mean I don't [i]love[/i] it. The same logic can be applied to human relationships. Need/love... Very different things...

MsAlaineEYes · F

I don't think I have ever felt that I "needed" a man; I fell in love with 3 men in my life and they all came to the point of "not being essential" in my life. I did not NEED them, I loved them and I refused to let "my needs" dictate whom and how I love.

zonavar68 · 51-55, M

@MsAlaineEYes This is about how I feel about women after being jilted and jaded and made to feel so unworthy and sub-standard as part of a so-called loving couple. It's a pointless exercise to need or want a relationship any more so I don't really bother trying to notice anyone or be noticed by anyone.

ginnyfromtheblock · 26-30, F

“needing” anyone else is messy and can become unhealthy. i always try not to need anyone. i love my bf but if i needed him that would be toxic af lol

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@ginnyfromtheblock Many people have a romanticized idea of need which I too hold onto somewhat especially considering my religious upbringing.
But in that moment I was speaking in a purepragmatic sense and they all shamed me telling me that I had toxic mindset.

bijouxbroussard · F

I agree with you, it’s not necessarily insulting depending on the context. Plenty of heterosexual women don’t “need” men in the traditional sense—they earn their own money and live happy independent lives. It doesn’t mean they don’t [b]want[/b] a man or aren’t happy with and love the men who [b]are[/b] in their lives.

StormInaTeacup

What other people think is not important. How does your husband feel?

It all depends on the context in which you use those words.

Women no longer 'need' men, to give them stability, a home, money etc. Women can be independent and love the man they are with. Big difference, thankfully.

SW-User

I'd rather want someone than need them. To be needy is clingy and toxic; smothering in fact.

View 1 more replies »

SW-User

@zonavar68 no idea who that is...

zonavar68 · 51-55, M

@SW-User https://www.google.com/search?q=clingy+girlfriend+meme

SW-User

@zonavar68 not all girlfriends are like that. My boyfriend is just a very much wanted part of my life.

Nobody00 · F

Idk but to reverse the situation , if my husband told everyone he doesn’t need a woman while I am with him....then I might as well leave with someone who does. Its offensive

SomebodyThatYouUsedToKnow · 36-40, F

I dont NEED a man, but there is one that I really want

braveheart21 · 61-69, M

Yoo hoo... Here i am.... 😂😂😂😂😂@SomebodyThatYouUsedToKnow

SomebodyThatYouUsedToKnow · 36-40, F

@braveheart21 sorry, seats taken!

braveheart21 · 61-69, M

Lol.... 👍👍👍👍👍@SomebodyThatYouUsedToKnow

zonavar68 · 51-55, M

My ex did almost exactly that - from the instant she found out she was pregnant with our daughter in late 2016 or early 2017 she decided I was no longer required. She told all her friends she was pregnant many weeks before she told me.

Now she's in a relationship with a former high school friend who is also 'single', so work that one out.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@zonavar68 Well I'm not sure exactly what that has to do with my question because I would never want to harm my husband and I am happy with him but I'm sorry you had to go through that

U53RN4M3 · 31-35, M

I have no thoughts. If it's how you feel, it's how you feel.

Redstar · 36-40, M

Those poll options are unfortunately rather limited. I don't think it's wrong but I don't think it insults the male partner.
I think the statement is self explanatory. You don't NEED a man and you'd be okay if you weren't married but that doesn't mean you don't love and want to be with your Husband.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@Redstar My take exactly. My husband dosen't help me financially and never has. He hasn't worked in 8 years. He is occasionally handy around our property and I appreciate it and I know that men are more than finances but I've done everything solo so thats what I meant.

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EnjoyingLife · 61-69, F

My husband has created this situation.....I don't need him because he does nothing for me. He has shown me he hates doing things for me so I don't need him when I have ppl I can hire!

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@EnjoyingLife I understand my condolences

stound

how would you take it if roles were reversed and your husband said he didn't need a woman?

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@stound I don't know if it would feel great to hear it but if he had led the life that I have I honestly wouldn't have any choice but to accept it as the truth

zonavar68 · 51-55, M

@stound It would ignite the Feminazi brigade into Antifa-like Pro-Trump outrage

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@zonavar68 You seem to have your own beef against feminists or something. Im more of a balanced person

Ambroseguy80 · 51-55, M

On the surface, this may seem insulting, so I can see why it caused an uproar. On the other hand, you clearly love your partner, whether you feel you “need” him or not.

Tracos · 51-55, M

I think its a good thing that a woman does not *need* a man, but chooses to be with one because she *wants* to

zonavar68 · 51-55, M

@Tracos I have first-hand experience of feeling 'used' by my ex because she 'needed' me (to get a child that she desperately wanted) but in reality never 'wanted' me.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@zonavar68 I want to say that your situation sounds very hurtful and terrible but her behaviour was bad no matter what her beliefs were it's not OK to use someone especially not to bring a child into this world and it has nothing to do with women who might feel that they don't need a man

zonavar68 · 51-55, M

@REMsleep Biological 'clock' drives a lot of strange thinking and decision-making amongst humans.

SW-User

I'd have voted if there'd been the option of, "There's nothing wrong with voicing that. If he doesn't like it, it's his problem, not yours."

wuiop2 · 41-45

Neither of you "need" each other in order to be happy. You can each do that on your own. You CHOOSE to be together, which makes you both happier than you were before.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

To many people when they hear the phrase "I don't need a man " it has echoes of extreme feminist propaganda in the statement and is often said by single moms to indicate that they raised their child perfectly fine alone when in actuality a father is necessary in a child's life. So my family took issue that I as a married woman would utter such a damaging statement in their mind and a statement which indicates to the world that men are no longer needed in society but this is not what I meant.

View 13 more replies »

bijouxbroussard · F

@REMsleep [quote] I don't believe in the angry black woman. [/quote]
Nobody with any intelligence does. But unfortunately that particular stereotype is one of the many ways racism works against us, even intra-racially, as it’s the excuse some black men have given for looking elsewhere.

DeluxedEdition · 26-30, F

Absolutely 🙏@REMsleep

DeluxedEdition · 26-30, F

[quote]I believe in a misunderstood and a tired black woman.[/quote]

Heartbreaking but you are absolutely right. And society will never see it for what it is. Black women extremely caring and and giving but you can only give so much when all people do is take.

@REMsleep

MasterofNone · 26-30, M

This is one of those things which is a great thing to be but which doesn't need to be said

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@MasterofNone You perhaps are correct

MasterofNone · 26-30, M

@REMsleep you don't have a toxic mindset though. Just making sure. On the contrary, the ones accusing of it may have.

BalmyNites · F

Not wrong at all, it’s more healthy to want someone than to need them, which implies dependency

PepsiColaP

No it isnt. Also the poll options are limiting ,I'm sure you can do better than that

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@PepsiColaP ok point taken

HootyTheNightOwl

There's no shame in not needing a man.

Platinum · M

Can't see that happening...

Psycho · 26-30, M

Well imagine your husband said the same thing about women in the same way you said it then you'll have your answer.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@Psycho no problem

Psycho · 26-30, M

@REMsleep If the idea is no problem then no it's not an insult.

Eclipsed · M

It reeks of insecurity and self doubt.. but not technically wrong, so knock yourself out.

PepsiColaP

@Eclipsed how

REMsleep · 41-45, F

Wow you've got it all wrong for my side. I was making the statement in acknowledgment that I have achieved a lot and I've had to do it by myself for the most part and so I don't see how I could say that I needed a man because I had to do everything without one so that's what I was referring to was more or less. Getting somewhere in life and my achievements it was no slight towards men who are very equally necessary in societies overall.
Some women need a man to survive in the world or some people think that they do.

GerOttman · 61-69, M

Laws are for physics, rules are for grammar. Everything else is a choice. Know right from wrong and choose well!

Nomad7 · 22-25, M

How is it insulting? Independent women are great

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Zonuss · 41-45, M

No.it is not.

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