What does God expect from me (personally)?

Look in your heart for that.

To live an interesting life, and to be honest with yourself...

"Don't be evil."

Oh wait, no, that was Google, not God. 🤷‍♀️

For you to bend over slowly in the shower

Which god? There's a whole lot of 'em.

Fast and pray, read your bible while you're fasting. Let him reveal his plan to you personaly.

Glorious deeds of valor that will earn you a seat at his banquet table

Do good, don't do bad and go to church at least once in a while.

Faith and obedience (but you won't be able to do it and that's okay)