I Always Blame Myself For Everything That Goes Wrong

Time flies so fast. I could still remember like it was just yesterday when I held my mom's hand and hugged her so tight and whispered in her ears that ' we're gonna get this through, please just wake up'.. But she never did. I could still hear her moan but she never opened her eyes. I'd never thought that that moment was the last time I'll ever gonna hold her close to me. I thought the doctors could revived her but she finally surrendered her life. I didn't know what to do. I was left shocked and numb. I couldn't take away my sight to her lifeless body on the hospital bed until tears flowed down my cheeks and I started crying like a little child. I couldn't utter a single word when I walk outside to tell my father what happened. Everything seemed black. I couldn't think. I couldn't speak. I didn't know who to call first. My life has been shattered into pieces. At that moment, I recalled the times I've been so stubborn towards her. I'd blame myself for what happened to her. I knew that it was all my fault. If I could just take good care of her, she's still with us. I was thinking that she didn't deserve to die, I do. I should be the one suffering, I should be the one who left, not her. I never utter the words I love you to her, ever. And it still haunts me to this day..

I miss her every single day. 😞