I'm Worried About My Future

I don't see a bright future ahead of me. Haven't even thought about a realistic dream job. I need to make up my mind soon.
I guess I don't have plans because I've always felt like I'm gonna die soon. But it ain't happening so I have to really decide what I want to do.
I'm kind of scared and just don't have the motivation and will.
I wish I was my past self. Full of dreams, hope and positivity.
I feel like of I get myself into a hard course, I'm just going to end up taking my life. But there's nothing easy in life and I'm just not up to any challenges. I also don't think it's worth it. I'm such an ungrateful person.
I don't know what I want and what I can do.