Polite, vague ways or reasons to decline family gatherings with toxic intolerant family members?

they would feed into that - they would love if we said that cause that makes us look bad @PhilDeep

@DoubleRings I understand relating with family can be a delicate matter. My own position is if their values are so off from mine, I'm not really bothered that they're family any more and not bothered with what they think of me or say about me.