I just rub my bare ass along the grass

Bidets and wet wipes are the perfect alternatives. Thankfully I've still got toilet paper though

You say that like a person who horded toilet paper.

bottlebrush

I'm in good supply now, but I had to use pampers baby wipes for a while since that was all I could find. Figured if it's good enough for a baby's tush then it's good enough for mine. Much better alternative than using my makeup remover wipes.

I'm doing just fine. I'm practically on my last butt wipe with my toilet paper. Next I'll be using napkins and paper towels. Then, after that's all gone I'll turn to using junk mail ads.

Yep, I've got it all worked out.

My province produces the most pulp and paper. Yet they continue to sell out. Get a grip people. There's more than enough to go around. 🙄

I'm thinking of getting into the bidet business!

go straight from the toilet to a 10 minute shower.