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Husband unemployed for 1.5 years.. he isn’t trying to find a job

Y’all.. I am totally freaking out. My husband of 5 years, we dated for 2, 7 years total.. I’m 32 he’s 40.. he was an attorney.. with a masters degree.. extremely smart.. kind, good looking, so funny and witty... when we got married everything was amazing..we both supported each other and have had a great relationship.. we had a beautiful baby girl 4 years into our marriage. I hit my career harder than ever, I thought he was until about 6 months after our baby he started calling in a lot and had all kinds of excuses why he couldn’t go to work, in his mind though “out of the blue” he got fired from his job of 9 years.. we had 70k in savings, he went through this huge depression and by 7 months in he told me the week before our mortgage was due he had spent it all and had $800 left.. I was devastated.. I thought he was saving and at that point I demanded to see his bills.. at all went to stupid stuff like paying his loans, going out to eat. He’s had a huge alcohol problem and I’ve paid for counseling which he called the guy a quack.. and blew off the rest of the sessions I paid for... things looked like they were turning around when he finally got a job...only to get fired 6 weeks into it because he wasn’t enough of a quarterback... now. Here we are... again.. I’m supporting us.. paying for everything..he’s now going to start Uber driving.. he also just broke the news to me he needs to file for bankruptcy...he’s also been on 6 interviews and has done terribly in all of them.. I think he’s now been blackballed from the industry.. he has no fight left in him.. the only thing he enjoys is being with our baby girl.. and I’m starting to feel really taken advantage of.. busting my tail to keep my business going. I work a lot...His dad also has done this to his mom, doesn’t work she’s 68 and pays for everything and work 60 hours a week.. I don’t want to be like this.. he’s still the love of my life but I’m at a breaking point.. he doesn’t seem to care about anything in the world of have any ambition to pick himself back up.. I’m finding my resent-fullness come out a lot.. I’m so unhappy and it’s gone on too long.. I can’t bare to leave him because I just feel like if he could show a glimpse of ambition it would change everything.. he’s perfect other than that.. and a few minor flaws.. but we all have those. What do I do? I’m so beside myself
Mamapolo2016 · F Best Comment
Men did it for a long time - bore the financial burden while the wife ran the home. It’s a choice, if it’s one you can make.

If he has a huge alcohol problem, how comfortable are you with him being alone with the baby all day?
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Thank you so much you always make me feel better. I’ll best your original @Mamapolo2016
Thank you. I think you’ve got the right stuff. Best of luck.@Brassm0nk3y
@Brassm0nk3y Give him an ultimatum. Tell him you are out if he doesn't have a gig in say six months. And he has to keep the job.

Or, tell him he has to apply for at least two or three jobs a week starting in two weeks until he is employed. Since you are making the money, hold back on funds to him unless he is making a good faith effort to get a job.

Jenni7 · 26-30, F
This is a tough situation I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’ve tried counseling but have you tried couples counseling where you both go? Has he ever said what’s going on? Have you spoken to his mother & ask if he’s ever had some sort of depression episode before.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Yes we need couples counseling.. but in my mind is that what’s going to make him take getting a job seriously ? Yes have tried talking to his mom and she totally shut down like “this isn’t my business” type thing.. “can’t help you” :-/ he’s definitelt depressed.thanks for the suggestion !@Jenni7
ButterRobot · 51-55, M
What does he say about it ? Does he take ownership ?
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Good to know ! Glad to hear you eventually felt like you got it back. That’s awesome and encouraging @ButterRobot
CoffeeFirst · 56-60, F
@Brassm0nk3y If he is depressed, he may need counseling or meds. My husband needed them. He still isn't working but it will be okay.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Oh wow. Good to know, yeah we tried meds.. eventually stopped.. we should go back on them again. Thanks for bringing that up. Best of luck to you guys too, nice to know I’m not alone @CoffeeFirst
river52 · 70-79, M
Play it out..... eventually you will know what is best for you and your child.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Thanks for this! Gives me a little more strength to hang in there !@river52
Asm0deus · F
Pretense on the handsome part 😆
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
I mean lol he’s still handsome and kind.. just not so great in the financial pull your weight arena@Asm0deus
Asm0deus · F
True. I hope he snaps out of it. Best of luck 🤗@Brassm0nk3y
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Thanks so much <3@Asm0deus
SW-User
Same shit....different day. You've posted this story numerous times.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Yeah.. that is true. Funny. I have friends on here that really give me hope.. it helps me.. obviously I’m going through a tough time.. I also wish it wasn’t that way@SW-User
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
Funny story: Years ago, I had just reconciled with my now exwife. Things were just getting better. She had moved in with her mom for a few weeks, but had just moved back in. She was literally bringing in her bags when I went out to the mailbox and brought in the bills...she had run out of minutes on her cell plan and the bill was north of $400. I hit the ceiling.

That's when I knew it was probably done. She could be warm, tactful, friendly, a ray of sunshine...but when it came to anything financial, she was an irresponsible fuckup.

It's up to you how much of a dealbreaker that is. Only you can figure that out. But what you cannot do is mitigate damage by discounting the good qualities that he and every human being has. Marriages are tough to navigate when one party isn't pulling their weight.

Sorry that is happening and good luck to you.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Yeah. Life I guess. Hope you have found happiness since.thanks!@uncalled4
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
@Brassm0nk3y Currently living with a nice woman. :)
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Wonderful! @uncalled4
Soulislost · 46-50, M
I wish I could tell you all the answers people on these sites can easily say what they’d do but unless we wear your shoes we can’t tel you what to do. Only you can make that decision. However instead of him going to therapy have you thought about going cause maybe a therapist might help you see what you truly need to do. Just my suggestion
SW-User
its called equality
What does this mean?
[quote]wasn’t enough of a quarterback[/quote]
@Brassm0nk3y Did he say why he quit taking it? Was it because of the effect on his libido?
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Nope.. took it for like 2 weeks and just was too lazy to refill it... said he was feeling better and thought he’d be fine without it .. ***eye roll***@quitwhendone
@Brassm0nk3y Do you know what medication it was?
Ryanoliver2011 · 26-30, M
Leave his sorry ass
Ryanoliver2011 · 26-30, M
@Brassm0nk3y keep in mind that outcome was with my aunt trying to stay sober like making a conscious effort to stay sober like she actually wanted to stay sober so badly but she just couldn’t do it. She was doing good, she had her own place and a decent job but then she relapsed (multiple times) and from there stuff just spiraled and long story short she had to move in with her parents... and keep in mind she really really wanted to stay sober. She really tried. Bless her heart...
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Ryanoliver2011 · 26-30, M
@RippinKlouds thanks man. Yea I’m not saying it’s impossible to stay sober but it’s just the person has to want it for themselves otherwise it just won’t work
CathyUK · 56-60, F
I'm glad I am divorced.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Haha@CathyUK
This message was deleted by its author.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
He’s the father of my child it’s not that easy..I mean I work while he takes care of her. Thanks for the idea though! If it were an option right now I would.. @SW-User
CoffeeFirst · 56-60, F
@SW-User Not helping.

 
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