I deleted my last "question
Never do that when ur minds all over the place lol
Anyways I guess a good question to ask others opinions and thoughts on would be
Maybe a Lil background first as to why I will ask at the end..
So i am adopted... Always knew ..there were 4 of us that were adopted and we all blood.
The reasons I knew at an age I could more understand were basic... Neglect and abuse.
I did grow up in a good home which was good.
However as far back as I could remember I had these feelings of self... Emptiness and loneliness and not good enough... I mean as young as I can think back on as far back as kindergarten.. I don't remember many events in my life maybe things I did or we did as a family.. Bit sure the heck knew how I felt
I carried this with me even in this good home...
I heard stories of my birth mom n dad prob not til I was in late teens.. A lot I heard from my sis which she is slightly older than me 2 yrs or so.
I met my birth mom and dad my junior year. I learned they were already divorced when us kids were taken from my mom.
Flash forward to 2 years ago when my birth dad came to stay with me. Before that had happened I had just got introduced to an uncle of mine by an aunt I already met and was in communication with... Anyways my uncle told me to be careful because "your dad put you kids thru hell" his exact words and he warned me saying this a few times.
Now... My question is
With early early childhood.. I was adopted at 5...and the home I grew up in... There was obviously the bad first than the good.
And I don't remember much of anything but feelings...
I feel yeah I could go on just knowing this basic thought.. But I don't understand me when it comes down to it and have more of an understanding where these deeper things come from
I feel without knowing a Lil more I may never be able to fully work on me
Do I ask my uncle to share with me what he witnessed as he said my dad put us kids thru hell?
Just to find me?
I mean it may be things I do not wanna know once I hear them.. And may wish I never knew
And maybe he doesn't know it all but enough to see this truth of how my dad was...
What do I do to move past these what I feel are childhood feelings that go back to birth and up to the time I was taken away. With confusion how I feel deep inside but yet had a good home.
It's really screwed up
Seriously what are your opinions out there?
Why is this so hard at 43 when I thought I did OK growing up til probably after highschool then everything took off from there almost like the results of childhood truely showed it's face.
I always felt I was blessed to live in a good home and didn't think much on it as a kid or at least not to where I do now.. A kid is different u don't fully comprehend things
I mean that deals with this and what it means.
Abuse n neglect have a huge impact on who I am and I don't understand it at all
Anyways I guess a good question to ask others opinions and thoughts on would be
Maybe a Lil background first as to why I will ask at the end..
So i am adopted... Always knew ..there were 4 of us that were adopted and we all blood.
The reasons I knew at an age I could more understand were basic... Neglect and abuse.
I did grow up in a good home which was good.
However as far back as I could remember I had these feelings of self... Emptiness and loneliness and not good enough... I mean as young as I can think back on as far back as kindergarten.. I don't remember many events in my life maybe things I did or we did as a family.. Bit sure the heck knew how I felt
I carried this with me even in this good home...
I heard stories of my birth mom n dad prob not til I was in late teens.. A lot I heard from my sis which she is slightly older than me 2 yrs or so.
I met my birth mom and dad my junior year. I learned they were already divorced when us kids were taken from my mom.
Flash forward to 2 years ago when my birth dad came to stay with me. Before that had happened I had just got introduced to an uncle of mine by an aunt I already met and was in communication with... Anyways my uncle told me to be careful because "your dad put you kids thru hell" his exact words and he warned me saying this a few times.
Now... My question is
With early early childhood.. I was adopted at 5...and the home I grew up in... There was obviously the bad first than the good.
And I don't remember much of anything but feelings...
I feel yeah I could go on just knowing this basic thought.. But I don't understand me when it comes down to it and have more of an understanding where these deeper things come from
I feel without knowing a Lil more I may never be able to fully work on me
Do I ask my uncle to share with me what he witnessed as he said my dad put us kids thru hell?
Just to find me?
I mean it may be things I do not wanna know once I hear them.. And may wish I never knew
And maybe he doesn't know it all but enough to see this truth of how my dad was...
What do I do to move past these what I feel are childhood feelings that go back to birth and up to the time I was taken away. With confusion how I feel deep inside but yet had a good home.
It's really screwed up
Seriously what are your opinions out there?
Why is this so hard at 43 when I thought I did OK growing up til probably after highschool then everything took off from there almost like the results of childhood truely showed it's face.
I always felt I was blessed to live in a good home and didn't think much on it as a kid or at least not to where I do now.. A kid is different u don't fully comprehend things
I mean that deals with this and what it means.
Abuse n neglect have a huge impact on who I am and I don't understand it at all
46-50, F
