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Any tips on not being intimidated by men?
I asked this before here but it still is sometimes an issue for me :( I get quite nervous around men I like, and if I'm not simply shy or nervous (so much that I look away), I feel intimidated by others. I feel often 'less' and like I'm also not good enough. I'm not some super confident, adventure driven woman and my mind equates that with no guy will accept or 'truly' like you. Can anyone relate to this fear /issue?
36-40, F
33 replies
Mar 19, 2019
Edited: 3 mths ago
I would suggest trying to make small talk with guys as much as you can. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. Just practice.
Seastar · 36-40, F
[@417364,Ozymandias] NO guy I see at bars, or out ever seem open enough that they WANT to have small talk :( But, maybe some do and I just think they didn't... :/ I will work on that, thanks Ozy
[@562099,Seastar]Coffe shops, the bus stop, when you are out shopping. Talk about small things like the weather keep the conversation in a safe place and stay away from contention.

In bars you can talk about the music decor or what they are drinking.

Don’t put massive pressure on yourself and don’t give up if things don’t go well. This is a learning process.
Seastar · 36-40, F
[@417364,Ozymandias] I like that ... 'don't put massive pressure on yourself...' I do that, VERY much. I already have all the ways I'm not good enough, not confident enough, etc. for someone, and why they might ditch me after a week :/ But I AM opening up to my good points, and actually ACKNOWLEDGING them to myself... that I have NEVER done. Thanks friend 🐞
99% of the things they can do
you can do better
Seastar · 36-40, F
[@895648,ManIsEatingEarthUpLikeCandy] haha... how so ?
[@562099,Seastar] women are just that awesome
Seastar · 36-40, F
[@895648,ManIsEatingEarthUpLikeCandy] Aww.. I never think of myself as 'awesome'... I'll try to going forward :)
Pfuzylogic · 56-60, M
Body language is the first signal given off. Work on feeling confident and good about yourself by accomplishing things that you find important. A ready smile is always a good encourager for a man to approach.
FigNewton · 56-60, M
The fact that you're putting yourself out there right now on SW is a step forward. How are you with engaging in discussions online? Do men intimidate you online as well?
Seastar · 36-40, F
[@897284,FigNewton] No online, I'm not really nervous. I think it's the fact that I"m not right next to the guy, and that b/c I can't see them, I don't feel that rush of nerves saying' You are simply not good enough'... :/
FigNewton · 56-60, M
I can relate to that...I'm often harder on myself than I should be when I'm next to a person IRL. My tip is to try to boost my confidence and realize that they may have the same insecurities. If they truly feel they're "above me" then they're not worth it. Chances are we're in the same boat, me and her. I'm guessing the same with you and whoever you'd be with. Just my 2 cents
Seastar · 36-40, F
[@897284,FigNewton] 🦋Thank you Fig
GJOFJ3 · 61-69, M
Enroll in a free online sales course. All of life is selling and this will increase your confidence and help you engage with others. Good luck
GHOST321 · 36-40, M
Be yourself and forget what anyone thinks
seeandhear · M
Keep this in mind - most guys are as shy as you are, and would be flattered beyond words for a girl like you to say something like “you’ve had a long day at work too huh?” while taking a drink. The conversation should be civil of course and the first time he says something inappropriate “okay you’ve succeeded in killing this conversation” and keep drinking.

You have a lot to offer and any guy would be lucky to be chosen by you as a chat buddy.
seeandhear · M
Actually the way to approach that is “is this guy good enough to date me?” because you are the desirable one.
Seastar · 36-40, F
[@485959,seeandhear] I appreciate that so Much.... Thank you See🌷
seeandhear · M
You’re welcome Sea! 🌻
YourMomsTabooCrush · 51-55, M
start out by dealing with really "non-intimidating" guys..... and then work your way up.
Seastar · 36-40, F
[@449169,YourMomsLateNightCrush] Hehe.. that is true :)
missionfigdeluxe · 61-69, M
Wearing an 11 inch strap on would help!
Chaoticneutral · 26-30
I think it's more of a personal confidence issue in general.
I think the crux of the solution is becoming an actualised version of yourself who is happy with who she is and is accepting of who she is.

Then the rest doesn't matter so much, once you have confidence in you as a person and you value that person then you realise that other's see your sense of value and attract towards that. Then past that, you're just happier in general and speaking to others becomes easier.
Chaoticneutral · 26-30
[@562099,Seastar] I understand, and a good thing to remember is that other people feel that way as well. We compare our feelings about ourselves to the social masks of others, and the social mask part is the part to remember.

Remember that we're all just trying to impress eachother on some level, and when someone displays their best version of themselves we're only seeing that. People would most likely empaphise with you if you opened up to them and got to that stage, it's just the fear of being vulnerable.

We're all our worst critics, but the solution is to slowly become our best supporters. :)
Seastar · 36-40, F
[@877165,Chaoticneutral] That is also true.. maybe others feel they are appearing more than what they are at 'first'.. (but don't mind it lol) . That's so true, too.. that guys also could be only putting on a mask at first.. presenting only one side. Ty so much for your kindness!!
Chaoticneutral · 26-30
[@562099,Seastar] No problem, it's like talking to myself from years ago so I get it.
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