How can I stop my self-destruct timer

I’m an idiot. I’m at literally the dumbest person I know. I think I just singlehandedly destroyed my 7year marriage in a single night. I didn’t cheat on her. Not even close. I hurt and scared her. I have a habit of harming myself whenever things stop going my way. I made a suicide plan when I was 15. I had already 3 friends kill themselves at This point. But then I met her and decided that I could live long enough for her to discover what scum I really am, she’ll leave, then I can die just like I planned. But the problem now is how much I want her. But I really did it last night. I’ve hurt myself to the point I need staples or stitches, I’ve told her I’m going to kill myself again. And just overall blowed up. Worst mistake of my life so far. If I’m not able to turn things around, I probably will make an even dumber mistake

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Starcrossed · 41-45, F

I'm sorry you're both hurting.

Knucklez · 31-35, M

@Starcrossed so am I. I’d put up with any and all the pain if I can just make her happy again. I’ve ruined everything. I ruin everything

Starcrossed · 41-45, F

@Knucklez If she truly loves you, you have to know that your statement isn't true.

Knucklez · 31-35, M

@Starcrossed I don’t understand. Could you rephrase that please?

Starcrossed · 41-45, F

@Knucklez she will work through this with you and you'll make her happy again. There are two parties in a relationship, surely you alone has not ruined everything. Are you [i]positive[/i] she sees all that is negativr as [i]your[/i] fault?

I've had falling outs before. True love and true friendships come back together eventually.

Knucklez · 31-35, M

She says just the opposite. Basically everything you said. But I don’t see it that way. She sees it as both our faults, but I don’t. It’s just me. I’m the only problem@Starcrossed