Can you recover from falling out of love?

It was a fluke meeting my husband. True by chance fate if you ask me. He was smart, charming and beyond handsome, driven..I day dreamed about him and the day we might marry.. I was so lucky he loved me back and has treated me so well ..and we actually got married 3 years in. We just had a baby a year ago. However things are very different from 7 years ago when we met. They started slowly.. then all of a sudden a downward spiral it’s seems..He’s stopped taking care of himself, the affection is 100% gone, he’s stopped shaving, gained weight and lost his job..he blew our 70k savings on beer. He drinks like there is no end in sight. I’m paying our 3k mortgage alone, and 8 months after getting fired he hasn’t even put his resume together. He farts and burps constantly about 6-7 times a day blatantly in my face despite my telling him it’s gross (and it is, it’s contributed to how I feel about him because it’s a lot and I don’t feel attracted anymore) so immature, not manly. he doesn’t help with the cook or cleaning but instead naps all day... there’s no intimacy..sexually or emotionally.. honestly, I look at him now and don’t even want to be intimate.. I feel repulsed, taken advantage of, no longer attracted...and truth be told despite many many months of trying to talk, trying to convince him to get help with what I suspect is depression.. there is no progress.. and over the past few days? I’ve found myself at threshold.. where I feel like I might be better off without him.. where I want a new life, a partner that is emotionally intelligent.. a partner that seems to actually care and know how to love. I want out.. and I realize I’ve hit rock bottom as far as my feelings for him go. So is there a way back up? We’ve had talks about it. He says he’s just expecting and waiting me to divorce him because he can tell- does that mean he’s given up? ... I don’t want to if there is a chance we can be saved. I’m just hoping one day the old guy I fell in love with will wake up and come back. And if there is even a thread of hope, I won’t let go. I’m at such a loss. I’ve been writing about this for many months.. I don’t know what to do.. has anyone had this happen and things turned around either through your efforts or your spouses? Is there a sign things are too damaged? I also come from a divorced family and I can’t imagine the pain my daughter having to grow up with a split family. I don’t want that for her...I’m so lost. Please help. Would really appreciate stories and advice.

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PoetryNEmotion · F

Sounds really grim. I am sorry for your situation. You must get him some help. If he won't get counseling from a trained professional, then you must set an ultimatum. Sometimes people who are both depressed and unemployed are the worse. Sit down and have a serious discussion. Set limits. For example, if you (him) do not see a counselor by this date and you do not show me daily your job search, then on such a date, I will be leaving you. Set your intentions clearly. Be authentic. Tell him how you are feeling exactly. Mention also that you feel that he is not being fair to both you and your daughter. He may be scared into action; he may not do anything. He is dragging you down. That is clear. And you have the right to have a partner who actively participates in your life as a husband and a father. Him saying he knows you will go may just be an excuse so that you pity him and stay. Action must be taken and soon. Sometimes a child is better off with two parents who love him or her in separate homes. And your husband needs to get off his ass and do something to contribute. I was in the past few years unemployed for a period of a bit more than a year. It is definitely severe on one's ego and sense of worth. But one has to keep trying and doing action. Sitting around is not productive. And the longer one does nothing, the less hope there is of any change. Good luck. If you wish to ask more questions, feel free. And, for the record, a wife has the right to intimacy and love and support in a healthy, loving marriage. Put yourself first for your sake and your daughter's too.

Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F

First time I’ve heard of as serious ultimatum like that.@PoetryNEmotion I’m starting to think that might be my only option! So glad you said it, and the way you said it.. I think I will move forward with that idea

PoetryNEmotion · F

@Brassm0nk3y I divorced from a sexless marriage years ago. I remember at the start or not long after, he was unemployed. Did nothing. I made limits. It was a bad marriage. I could have raised our son alone and better. Do what is right for you.

jetpack

@Brassm0nk3y ultimatums are only as good as the intentions behind them to follow through. If you are bluffing chances are you'll lose.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@jetpack That is true. This is a severe situation. I doubt he will change now.