Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

Husband broke, wants to handmake Birthday gift?

Husband is unemployed. Long story short, super smart amazing guy (has been in the past) was but lately things have gone south. He was fired from his job for missing a lot of work after our new baby. He then blew 40k in savings over the last year. Granted, went into a deep depression after being fired. He hasn’t even tried to apply for jobs, while I’m over here working my butt off. He finally just started uber driving.. making a little money. For Christmas we held back on spending, and for my birthday he told me he was going to handmake my birthday present... there is this very odd part of me.. that doesn’t like that. I’ve had men in the way past not celebrate my birthday, or get me a gift or my birthday .. But I’m trying to think this isn’t that.. I’m trying to imagine he’s putting a lot of thought into this homemade gift and imagine it’s maybe special but there’s another part that’s is like umm this is kind of some baloney..what do you mean you can’t get me a birthday gift? (I’m literally taking him to Hawaii on a trip this weekend) I know finances are limited but didn’t think they were that bad (even though he’s going out to eat, and for beer a lot).. and I’m kind of thinking I’m upset that he wants to “homemake” my birthday gift. Should I just suck it up? Am I being a brat? Or wait and see what he makes before you judge type thing? Or it shouldn’t matter?... I just keep hearing my mom in my head saying “honey that’s just being lazy on his part”. He should definitely put some effort into at least getting something even if it’s small, not terribly expensive and thoughtful.
Montanaman · M
I can empathize with you.
I can't tell you how to feel, nor what to do.
But I can tell you that I lost my job in 2014, 100k a year job,. Because I lost my mind after my mother's passing...
But 10 months of no work took it's toll on all of us, and I was fortunate enough to have a wife and family that backed me, believed in me and I bounced back in 2015, making more now than then.
At times, I was lazy, scared, disappointed, drunk, and finally, I realized that I had to learn and try again.
Give him that.
You might just be that shining light he's looking for.
👍😔🤗💕
Kelly.

PostScript...
I Love spending money on my Wife.
I'm never cheap. She never spends anything on herself, so I compensate for that. 👍💕
juiceyangel333 · 31-35, F
If he doesn't have the money, then he doesn't have the money. I think gifts should be appreciated no matter what. The effort and thought process is what counts in the end
juiceyangel333 · 31-35, F
@LvChris he's trying though since he's Uber driving and all.. Being unemployed probably made him super depressed. I'm not saying it's right that he drinks to cope with all of the stress

He is giving her a gift, just a hand made one. Something that is within his means financially

Him buying booze is because he's stressed, and not necessarily that he doesn't want to get her a gift

I think she should appreciate the time he will take making the gift for her.
This comment is hidden. Show Comment
juiceyangel333 · 31-35, F
@LvChris yeah we don't really know the context of his drunkenness. A handmade gift is better than no gift at all

Just hope that he actually puts proper effort into making it
SW-User
I wouldn't complain. At least he remembers your birthday.
xixgun · M
You’re rather missing the point of being a gift recipient. You don’t complain about the gift, you appreciate the thought with which it was given. Besides, you’ve no idea what he’s making. Do you think these “home made gifts” didn’t require a lot of work?
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
I found out he made me a coupon book like “1 free car wash, 1 free back rub” type thing. But true on your comments. Not sure how this compares to that. Thanks for you comment@xixgun
SW-User
It’s something money can’t buy , it’s valuable , his time and effort went into it , time and effort is something nobody will get back. It’s years of hard work and patience. Art isn’t easy
Fernie · F
That "super smart amazing guy " sounds like a selfish, irresponsible jerk
Sarah71 · 41-45, F
I think you should tell him exactly why you feel the way you do before he makes anything. It may spoil the surprise if he had something really wonderful in mind but a reassurance of your value to him has to be more important at this difficult time especially as you say he finds the money to enjoy nights out with his mates.
SW-User
He can afford to get you a 20 dollar blouse or 40 dollar purse if he makes some money . I don't think drawing something on a piece of paper and giving it to you as a gift is rational lol .
SW-User
It’s something money can’t buy , it’s valuable , his time and effort went into it , time and effort is something nobody will get back. It’s years of hard work and patience. Art isn’t easy.@SW-User
SW-User
Well it depends on her , she might not like it because she doesn't want anything hand made . @SW-User
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
One of my exs 'hated birthdays', mine was treated like any other day [even after I said that made me sad], and flipped OUT on me once for buying him a card.
GJOFJ3 · 61-69, M
At least wait before passing judgment. I hope it is special for you and helps give him a sense of accomplishment.
SimplyTracie · 26-30, F
If there was one thing he could make by himself, that you would absolutely love, what would it be?
Noblety · M
If it bothers you that much I think you should tell him you want him to buy you something.
plungesponge · 41-45, M
How do you spend 40K of savings in a year? Gambling?
Montanaman · M
@plungesponge oh, believe me, it goes fast. Bills, food.. standard of living that you were used to...
SW-User
I honestly prefer a handmade gift. Anyone can go out and slap some money down for something someone else made, but when a person puts thought, time, and maybe money into making me a gift... it's a treasure, and I feel like I'm a treasure to them because they did that for me.
juiceyangel333 · 31-35, F
@SW-User I agree
Idk. But your online handle is the name of a mixed drink as well as a beastie boys song, so I would wait and see. Also tell him to get a temp job, or suck it up work at a grocery store. I've worked a few of those in my life, they are usually pretty easy and the people aren't awful.
Sadwithasmile · 22-25, M
Honey, I haven’t had a Christmas, birthday or any gift in over half a decade (which is over a quarter my time on earth). Stop making a fuss, I didn’t and never will.
This comment is hidden. Show Comment

 
Post Comment