I wish I could control what I think

The saddest thing is, even when I'm not thinking about my crush, I'm thinking about my crush. Like I can be thinking about playing my instrument, and I'll suddenly remember how my crush put their hands up to prop their head and watch me play, or I can be thinking of another friend's performance, and I'll suddenly remember that my crush was watching that too, in the front row, and actually came up to me right after the performance to tell me how funny it was (I was doing the lighting at the losely-lighted back) ahhhh I need to stop

I mean, it's not that I don't enjoy thinking about my crush because obv I smile a lot when I do and it makes me happy, but still, I end up smiling at the randomest of times and ppl are just like 'wtf'.

I think I just need to see my crush, if i don't I'm afraid I might explode.