Anybody else’s in laws just invite themselves over without warning?

My in laws keep inviting themselves over. They’ll just call/text and be like “we are coming over tomorrow” not.. so what are y’all doing tomorrow? We should get together. A lot of times they tell JUST me so I feel so pressured to be the sweet daughter n law and say oh great! ... sometimes i try to be like “ oh i can’t, i have this and this going on) and they look at me with these angry eyes like I’m a totally monster.. We just had a baby 9 weeks ago so surprise visits are tough.. having to clean the house, entertain, wake up early after getting zero sleep from baby being up at night (they like coming over for breakfast.)
Truly.. they are super rude and stay forever.

How do i get them to learn boundaries, like asking us what we are doing vs first just inviting themselves over without looking like a total winch in their eyes? Should i just say that flat out? Lol

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outsidethebox18 · 31-35, F

I think your other hand should handle this conversation. He needs to be the one to lay down the law with his parents. Not you! He needs to explain what you wrote to them with genuine concern to his parents. If they are remotely human they will get it.

Don’t talk to much in this situation. Let him handle it. You just had a baby for crying out loud. You need structure not unexpected surprises. But I think your in laws probably want to help!

Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F

@outsidethebox18 not a bad idea. Yeah it’s so weird.. him and his parents don’t communicate hardly at all. They are all SO passive aggressive. Might be worth seeing if he’d say something though. Thanks!

outsidethebox18 · 31-35, F

@Brassm0nk3y my love, it is his duty! You are now his new family. I say this out of love for you and him. It is not my intention to create tension between the two of you if he is resistant.

But my humble advice would be this: 1) always be in good light with your in laws 2) where there are difficult conversation, it should be led by the other half who is directly related to the in laws 3) only stand your ground once your other half has on 1-2 occasions spoke up for you (public or private).

I know it’s challeneging at times in practice but I don’t think you need a situation where your in laws start to resent you etc. If they don’t know their boundaries your husband should enforce them first before you do. After all you are one. If he handles this firmly and with love it will be good. Tell him to speak to his father who will speak to his mother.

If all fails, get the big guns out (your mum or pray about it). If you opt for your mum, maybe she can do a random “calling to see how you are” call and say “oh have you seen the kids.... well I’ve decide to give them space. I know they have had a lot of unannounced visits for family and you know how it is when you have a newborn.... you don’t need that. So I call before coming and help where I can... I think they need space now more than anything”.