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Husband took maternity leave money

So i saved and saved for maternity leave starting 6 months before i took off.. that money was supposed to cover things like mortgage, food, diapers, formula etc, daycare. there was hardly anything extra.. i asked my husband before hand if he would save as well.. we’ll he didn’t .. so went on leave.. halfway through it he comes to me saying he mismanaged his money and needed to borrow 3000 dollars.. turns out he was behind on student loans and a car payment .. he seemed desperate so i agreed.. we’ll i also let him know this was a lot of my money ..now this has put me in a situation where i need to go back early from maternity leave by a month (so 12 weeks off has turned into 8) because i simply won’t be able to safely cover all bills unless he pays me back .. we’ll i asked him to come up with a plan to put that money back (hopefully before i have to go back) and he’s acting like I’m a horrible person for asking.. he shut down the 2 times I’ve brought it up.. I’m seriously just trying to figure out if i truly will have to cut my leave short.. if he can come up with a payment plan i won’t have to go back early .. am i right to be asking for this back and to be upset?
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rckt148 · 61-69, M
never had that problem
my wife was a stay home Mom and the bills were my problem
and all the other stuff
She thought my Mom was horrible thinking my oldest should have been potty trained already before we had another one ,,,it was easier spending 120 a month for diapers alone
My Sons Mom was a stay home Mom too even though she was a licensed nurse
I did not sweat her to go to work ,but my son was potty trained soon after he learned to walk ,before he was 6 months old
I'll work but I hate diaper genies and critters in my garbage can after the diapers .that was the lighter note ,now the real one
your man would have lost his car and defaulted on his loan were it me
He needs to man up and not make you sweat it
I sucked as a husband ,but at 19 I knew Moms need time to recuperate ,
well unless your a migrant worker ,then you have it as your working and keep on picking ,I have seen it happen
I guess its all in how you were raised
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Thank you ! Appreciate your insight. @rckt148
Davidarendale0 · 36-40, M
You two have serious communication problems. And why are you each handling your own finances like you are two single people who happen to live together. You don't need to have a single joint bank account between the two of you but you definitely need to get on the same page about your money. Have a weekly meeting where you completely transparently discuss your finances if you have to.
Miram · 31-35, F
Maybe you are not asking him the right way?
Maybe he doesn't like being reminded that he couldn't pay bills alone ? Men are more sensitive when it comes to how much they make bécause they are treated according to it.

I understand the frustration that comes with feeling it has been wasted. But if he really used it for necessities I think it's important to empathise and focus on his virtues. At the same time you should express feeling a sense of unfairness since he didn't work with you.

Both can always make more when healthy.
Miram · 31-35, F
@Serenitree

See? You do care. 🙄

I know what I have said and I remember it very much.
Serenitree · F
@Miram You're mistaking thinking you're an ass caring. I care about BrassMonkey. Goodnight now.
Miram · 31-35, F
@Serenitree

Genuine care isn't taking sides, standing as an adversary, assigning roles simply based on assumptions. You didn't put her first.

The only care I see here is towards your own thoughts about whatever I said.

Which is not necessarily wrong to do but there are better ways to express yourself and people won't always be tolerant of it.

Goodnight!
Serenitree · F
He mismanaged his money, and now he's mismanaged what he borrowed from you. You know he shut down because he can't pay you back.

Is it possible he gambles? Maybe on line?
OzDiver · 61-69, M
Yes, you are right to be asking for it back as quickly as possible, and of course you should be upset.
Checkingoutall · 56-60, M
You are more than right to ask for him to contribute/pay it back and be upset with him. He is showing signs of being an irresponsible person when it comes to money, and if this isn't corrected now, you will be finding yourself having problems keeping up with things once your back to work even.

You are/were very wise for saving back for your time off, but you also need to keep saving back because child care cost keep going up and up and up. Some of what you planned for are items that you will be needing to keep paying on once back to work, daycare, formula, and all the other items that goes along with baby care.

He is already setting a pattern that his needs comes before the child's needs and that isn't good. Just because someone has a good job doesn't mean they understand or care about money management, especially if they know there is a fall back person they can go to. With him being that far behind, it may be more than a money management thing.
4meAndyou · F
Sounds like you two REALLY need to see a counselor to help your husband grow up and to help you with financial issues. A lot of marriages go into crisis because one partner or the other just can't be responsible or stick to an agreed upon plan.
SW-User
He was irresponsible not you, and you are not wrong for asking for him to pay that money back. I hope you can find a way to not have to go back early. ((HUGS))
That sucks. Ask him if he wants to have the baby too. Send his ass back to work.
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He needs a 2nd job..
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
The crazy thing is he’s an attorney..one would think he wouldn’t need a second job @Notmesam
@Brassm0nk3y That attorney needs to bring in more money before you both lose it all..
Serenitree · F
@Brassm0nk3y I'm wondering again? How is he losing this money? Could he be gambling?
DLTC85383 · 46-50, M
I think you are 100% right in asking it back. I think you guys should also sit down with a financial planner too because you need to get a 529 College savings plan going for your child asap. One said divorce but I think that is harsh because being a single parent is not easy. You guys both need to sit down do a budget set goals and stick to the plan.
ajsk13 · 51-55, M
he's a very selfish person
LyricalOne · F
You're right to be upset and you'd be right to wonder whether or not you can trust him. I'd start demanding communication on the subject real quick because if you sweep it under the rug, it'll only get worse.
TheArchitect · 36-40, M
Yeah you are
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MethDozer · M
Nothing about this story makes sense or sounds right.
MethDozer · M
@LyricalOne If you pissed away our money on Super Bowl tickets I wouldn't be a happy camper. ;p
LyricalOne · F
@MethDozer And furthermore, I don't even like the Super Bowl. 😕
MethDozer · M

 
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