why am i so defensive ?

My fiancé approached me an issue and i feel like he had done a good job of doing it in a loving way. but i got embarrassed and then got defensive and it turned into an argument before bed for like an hour when the real answer was prob just to respond in a more loving accepting way on my end - to be honest, im worried no matter how nicely he approaches something i feel like i will always be defensive. what can i do to stop?

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VioletDreams · 36-40, F

ugh i totally understand. i couldn't have said it any better. what's up with that embarrassing feeling that makes me want to retaliate?

NiftyWhite · 46-50, F

i think it's an attempt to save face rather than admit you're not perfect - so we make the other person feel imperfect too

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NiftyWhite · 46-50, F

i def don't watch TV. i do sometimes have strong feminist type convictions .... idk why either. no one i was raised with is feminist

SW-User

It's a normal reaction to get defensive when criticized even when intentions are good.

NiftyWhite · 46-50, F

ya but when i talk to him about dumb stuff he does he is much more understanding... lol

SW-User

You are two different people with different personalities. It's okay to be different than he is.

Mordi · 31-35, M

Ask for a little bit of time to think about it before responding?

NiftyWhite · 46-50, F

ya this could help. i think in the moment idk how to respond so i just freak out a bit.

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