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And so my marriage is dead ...

But continues on as a zombie. I should move out, but I don't trust my wife with our kid.

I should divorce and aggressively petition for custody, but I don't feel up to the scrutiny.

Is this Hell or merely a five year purgatory?

Sometimes I hope for a cancer diagnosis, like my father.
Danez · M Best Comment
I hear ya man! Been there (and still am) and Done that! Don't wish for the cancer or any other terminal illness becus it sounds like your kid could really use you to still around. Forget the other half and put your efforts and energy into being all about your kid(s). Do that has been my saving grace (besides biting my tongue and flipping the bird behind the stb-ex's face) LOL - but hang in there.

Sadie14 · F
Shittt... this is why I'm never getting married.
WoodyAq · M
My parents were happily married for 30 years. Soulmates? Perhaps. Perfect complements? Definitely.
Danez · M
@WoodyAq: thats awesome. It's a rarity anymore. my grandparents too were married that long and my grandpa would still reach out and give her a pinch as she walked by him. Of course she didn't let on to anyone that she enjoyed his attention like that but I think she secretly did.
But holy cripes sake marriage has become as disposable as a flat screen tv. WTF? What happened to loyalty?
bhatjc · 46-50, M
Good ro you
SW-User
I'm in the same boat, been in a zombie marriage for 21 years. It's an awful place to be. I'm so sorry you're going through that. Just know that your son/daughter needs you. Don't give up or wish for illness. Focus on what is ahead, getting your mind in a good place, and on your child. Best wishes.
Danez · M
I agree wholeheartedly. sorry to hear it man. Hope you're able to have some joy in some way or another. It really sucks to be in this situation. It's been over 5 yrs that I've been like this. Separate bedrooms, separate vacations, and basically separate lives all the while trying to shield the kids from all the unpleasantness.
SW-User
@DanGerUs: Yep, I truly get it. Same here. My youngest is the same age as yours. I am just trying to hang in until she's an adult and then I can leave. Some days it feels like I'll never be able to do it.
Danez · M
@Lakesidepoet: Hang in there. Ive got two with just a couple years left in high school so I'm enjoying my time with them every chance we can. They are what is really holding me together.
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Raffie · 61-69, F
Be the best father you can be and know that your child needs you as the anchor in life whether you are home or not. Your child needs your steady hand and guidance as he/she navigates the waters in his own life and will look for you to be the fortress that buffers the storms that will surely come.
Primnproper · 56-60, F
If you really can't leave then try and come to an understanding so you can coexist under the same roof while you raise your child..live your separate lives but be united as parents..I'm not sure it's feasible but if leaving is not an option it's all you can hope for.good luck.
Fernie · F
hmm, you don't trust your wife with your kid...yet...you're hoping for cancer/death so you don't have to deal with it all...how does that make you a better parent than her?
WoodyAq · M
It doesn't. But I'm reaching the limits of what I can cope with. Maybe I think that makes me weak, and I'd rather die than face those limits.

Or maybe if I were out of the picture, someone else in the family would step up better than I can.
Cajunfirefly · 41-45, F
How old is your kid?
WoodyAq · M
13 years old. Great kid. Smart, curious and fun.
Cajunfirefly · 41-45, F
@WoodyAq: that's awesome! At least he is old enough to understand, if the next step is necessary
bhatjc · 46-50, M
Get out of that marriage.

 
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