Why do I have a compulsion to find a girlfriend online?

Am I really that desperate and lonely? I feel so perverted and embarassed by it. My parents are so anti-dating culture and think that if I have a girlfriend my grades would be ruined. It's quite the opposite, on the contrary. I feel like my grades are slipping because I masturbate a ton (which makes me really lethargic and unmotivated), which in turn is a result of my anxiety of starting any task and my loneliness. Yeah, I have friends at school, I can talk to boys and girls without feeling super anxious, but yet I feel so lonely. I've had some really specific fetishes that nobody I know in real life really fit. I'm so desperate that I feel like I need to loosen my standards. I just need somebody to tell all my problems, big and small, without them having to judge me. But yet, I still want to find "the one". As much as I want a temporary relationship to ease the loneliness, I don't want them to go away with my secrets. Just somebody that I can feel okay with fantasizing cuddling. What's wrong with me? If my parents found out I had a girlfriend, they would get pissed at me (and it's happened to me before and my parents still nag me about it). They say it's normal for a 16 year old, but I turn 17 in January so my birthday is coming soon. Why aren't I maturing? I look, act, and feel 12 still. What is wrong with me? Why am I so obsessed with wanting a girlfriend?

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SW-User

You need to put yourself together first. You are wandering aimlessly, and having a girl is not actually an aim in life all the time. With it, comes several good things and several downsides. It's not at all bad to have a partner who'd understand you, but what if she's a person who'd rather load you up with her troubles? Is that worth it? You haven't yet sorted out your own, how'd you handle another's? At your age, emotional turmoil is very common, and when you are looking for someone so desperately, there are high chances you'd make mistakes while choosing her.

First of all, relax. Masturbation is not a bad thing, but doing to a point where it ruins productivity, could cause you problems. If you think you can replace the time spent in that activity by doing something with a girl, hanging out, talking and all, it may work for sometime, but may not be for ever. Rather than desperately waiting for someone, go out and mingle with people. whoever they are. Meet new girls and and know them. Know how life work outside, hangout with elderly people and share their experiences about life. Develops some skills, play some sports, just get out of your comfort zone and do things.

Once you do that all and build a strong relationship with yourself, you'll be ready for another and you won't be desperate.