Why am I still mean to my ex?
Even after I've already forgiven him? Really, when I'm alone I wish him all the best, no hard feelings, but when he's around me I find myself super cold and a bit unkind. It's been a year since we broke up.
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greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
Forgiven or not, maybe you need some kind of defense to keep you from getting friendly with him and then drifting back into a continuance of the misery you've suffered. Maybe you could ease up on the meanness but a little coldness might be a good protective ploy. A year is not really that long.
SW-User
It kinda happens uncontrollably, like I don't want to be mean but I find myself doing and saying unkind things to him. He doesn't seem to mind which makes me keep going.
greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
SW-User
We have friends in common. Actually we were friends before dating each other. I don't want him to affect me.
greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
@MissingNotes: Maybe you'll be friends again someday but obviously not now. Sometimes it takes a few years. You can avoid him if you really want to. Make a point of it. If you want to go to a large social gathering, get a date to go with you and pay attention to him. You can even hire a guy from a dating or escort service if you have to. If It's a smaller gathering, just don't attend if you know he'll be there. You can also avoid him by arriving very early and then pleading another appointment and leaving when he arrives. Or having a friend call you to let you know when he leaves.
I know you'd like to be indifferent to him but you're not. So until you really, genuinely feel and can act that way, just don't see him. If you run into him unexpectedly, just be polite, only polite, and then leave as soon as you can.
I know you'd like to be indifferent to him but you're not. So until you really, genuinely feel and can act that way, just don't see him. If you run into him unexpectedly, just be polite, only polite, and then leave as soon as you can.
greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
@MissingNotes: I'd guess he doesn't mind because your attitude toward him shows him you still care. He assumes you'll run out of steam one day and then he can court you again and win you back. As long as you treat him like this, he will know you secretly have feelings for him. If you can't manage to show quiet, polite, but non- affectionate behavior around him and you really, really don't ever want him back, then avoid him.