Why is it when people start relationships with someone who has a certain type of job, they end up wanting them to leave said job?

@DearAmbellina2113 Exactly

@DearAmbellina2113 I feel you.

@SW-User I was waiting for someone to mention the "kids coming along afterwards" scenario.

In those cases I would say having kids should be a discussion even before marriage/long term partnership, which should then have included the impact a certain profession might have on that desire to have kids 🤔.

@iMystery Kids aren't always a part of the plan. I don't know if you've ever been in a commited, long term relationship, but a lot of people don't really go in thinking they'll be having kids right away, and if they do discuss it, they might think they don't want any at the time and change their mind later on in their lives. That's the thing with long term relationships. You both change with each other. You obviously won't want the same things you wanted at 20 when you're 37, and there's no way to account for that before starting the relationship.

And either way, I would think most people wouldn't just leave someone that they have a connection with because of a future possibility that may not even come to fruition. It's like me leaving my boyfriend now because I want a big house and he wants a small one. It's obvious that if you care for each other, a compromise is going to be made, so you don't really need to worry about it before it happens.

Anyways, family planning isn't exactly top priority for young couples. Doesn't matter what conversation "should have happened" if it wasn't a priority at the time. Perhaps people unwilling to change their career for their kids shouldn't be in a relationship. When you have children, it isn't about you or what you want anymore. It isn't about conversations you may or may not have had with your partner, and you can't turn back the clock and just choose not to be together. At that point, you need to make decisions for your family. Doesn't matter how the relationship started out.

@iMystery Even if they don’t break up they will resent having to change something like a career because their partner didn’t like it. That resentment tends to grow as the new wears off the relationship.

@cherokeepatti Very true... This then sparks other fights which may be seemingly unrelated to that resentment, but subconsciously that resentment is displayed in other behaviour

@iMystery that’s generally the pattern of it. I had a cousin who’s sweetheart & fiancé he met in high school. He got drafted & was sent to Vietnam. His fiancé had long hair that she never cut in high school. He asked her to keep her hair long while he was gone & not to cut it & she promised she would. He did his stint & came back & they got married. They were married a couple of years and he started asking her to cut her hair. She refused, he kept asking, then pressuring her, it went on a few years & they started fighting. Ended up getting divorced. I think the hair was symbolic to each in different ways, to her it was her way of saying she waited for him & for him it reminded him of the war. To get a divorce over the length of hair on the woman seems unimaginable. I think they should have gone to counseling but divorced instead.

@Picklebobble2 😅 Sounds like someone is speaking of experience.

@iMystery I'm starting to think you just want people to side with you...

@Melpomene Not at all.

@iMystery Then X and Y should have an honest talk about how they feel and why.

@SW-User Yep. If you change the person then they are no longer the person that first attracted you to begin with!

@SW-User Yeah and they are the first to complain "You are no longer the person I first met"...

OF COURSE NOT!!! YOU CHANGED HIM! 🤣

@iMystery lol. Exactly. Stoopid. Stoopid. Stoopid. I don't have the patience for such idiocy.

@SweetMae I agree, because that would be a change to the relationship environment.

I suppose it could be that at the start of the relationship, they are not in love. Loving someone makes a difference to how you feel about their safety and losing them.@iMystery

@Carissimi That may happen yes, but then the person who wasn't in love since the beginning should question themselves and ask why they got involved in the first place.

Most people are not in love when they start dating. Love comes later. I find it odd that you think you must love someone before you start a relationship. That’s what a relationship is for, to get to know someone. @iMystery

@RubySoo Yeah some people have serious control issues.

@cherokeepatti He is correct. A man should be attracted to a woman primarily over maternal instincts, not physical attributes. And a woman should be attracted to all forms of stability, not just financial.

@Anonymartyr My sister-in-law did that too. She grew up in a family with 8 children and 1 breadwinner. So money was spread really thin, they had what they needed and not a whole lot more. She dated the neighbor boy and when they got old enough (she was 16 & the parents signed for her) they got married. Her husband was going to engineering school & she said they’d be rich. But after she got everything she wanted (nice custom home, new vehicles, new furniture, etc.) she got bored. They had 3 children and she divorced him saying he was a stick-in-the-mud because he didn’t want to go out all the time, bored with his job etc.

@cherokeepatti Fortunately my wife and I never had any children.

@polyandrym66 It is just as true to say that you cannot love someone on the basis that the other dos not have a large enough income. That has nothing to do with love.

@YukikoAmagi It should be discussed before even starting a relationship with that person.

@InOtterWords Totally agree.

@Mrsbetweenfatandfit Yet that is what they signed up for from the get go.

Imagine what the wives of Navy SEALS and other Special Forces or Combat Soldiers must go through. Yet its something they signed up for.

@iMystery I understand that. But it’s not an unheard of thing to say you are prepared to accept something... that is until you are living it. Realize you aren’t prepared to do that and then what are the options