How do I tell a woman I was in jail before?
I was put in jail overnight when I was 17 for domestic violence. I’m now 23. I’ve changed a lot since then. How would I tell a woman about my past without scaring her off?
26-30, M
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Adaydreambeliever · 56-60, F
ok so unless you are on some kind of register.. there's probably no legal obligation to tell anyone.. but.. it seems like an important part of your past that you would like to reveal if it's someone you want to be close to? I would just wait until you are at the point where it matters.
CoffeeFirst · 56-60, F
@Adaydreambeliever I agree!
4meAndyou · F
You just have to blurt it out. Like this: "Full disclosure, I care about you a lot, and I want our relationship to be really honest...so I need to tell you about something that happened when I was a kid."
Then just tell her the story...tell her who you hurt, and why, and tell her how wrong it was, and tell her how you are different now and that since you've gotten older you've found different and better ways to deal with your feelings.
Then just tell her the story...tell her who you hurt, and why, and tell her how wrong it was, and tell her how you are different now and that since you've gotten older you've found different and better ways to deal with your feelings.
Shell · 31-35, F
I think its important to find a good time to tell her. Think about what you want to say carefully because how you say and what you say is more important.
Just be like, Id like to talk to you about something. Sit her down and tell her the truth of what happened, then be sure explain why you are sorry and very regretful about that day and why it will never happen with her etc
Just be like, Id like to talk to you about something. Sit her down and tell her the truth of what happened, then be sure explain why you are sorry and very regretful about that day and why it will never happen with her etc
bijouxbroussard · F
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bijouxbroussard · F
@Shell I said that a domestic abuse charge, especially at such a young age, [b]should[/b] give a woman pause. And I stand [b]by[/b] that. Not because an older batterer isn’t as bad, but a teenage batterer is already troubled—and is someone who should’ve been getting counseling. Because otherwise it tends not to get better.
What about that don’t you get ?
What about that don’t you get ?
Shell · 31-35, F
@bijouxbroussard I get you but I do not agree with the type of "pause" you want to impose in this particular situation
bijouxbroussard · F
@Shell You don't even know what this situation [b]is[/b], and neither do I, except that he was jailed overnight on a [b]domestic violence[/b] charge at age 17, but he's changed. Everyone says they "changed", including the guy who appears at your door with flowers after he's knocked your sister around the night before. I'm saying that a woman with healthy survival instincts would be [b]cautious[/b] until she knew more. I don't know what you're arguing about now. 😳
BalmyNites · F
fairgame123 · 61-69, C
REMsleep · 41-45, F
It's not something that you need to divulge right away when you do not know the woman well.
Later if you feel that you are getting ready to become exclusive or are spending a lot of time together then you can tell her and you should tell the whole story. Hopefully by that time she will already see your changed character but it will still be normal for her to be cautious because most abusers are really nice in the beginning.
Later if you feel that you are getting ready to become exclusive or are spending a lot of time together then you can tell her and you should tell the whole story. Hopefully by that time she will already see your changed character but it will still be normal for her to be cautious because most abusers are really nice in the beginning.
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UserNameSW · 46-50, M
Say the truth and be open for questions and answer honestly.
Ian123 · 61-69, M
If you've changed tell her, better than starting with a lie.
SW-User
Tell her you made a mistake.
ShaythePanTransMan · 22-25, T
Simple, don’t tell them.
DarkSideoftheMoon · 31-35, F
Word it gently