Love & Attraction > Relationships

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Men who stop talking to you as friends because they realise you aren’t interested....

Is this fair? It’s incredibly annoying.

indyjoe · 56-60, M

I think one thing most women do not comprehend or understand about men is that once a man becomes interested in a woman emotionally, romantically, and sexually...if she is not feeling the same he pulls away (even to a point of avoiding and ignoring her) because to be around her and especially interacting with her only fuels those feelings. It is like teasing and leading on though unintentional on her part, and it is very frustrating to him in many ways. He cannot help it, it's not something he can just "get over" and turn off like a light switch, it's just nature. Over time it may fade away, or it may not depending on how powerful those feelings are. Men are quite capable of being platonic friends with women (just as women are with men), but once a stronger interest develops it is extremely hard for him to go back to being just friends. Does this help it make a bit more sense?

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indyjoe · 56-60, M

@SW-User It is a complicated situation, and dishonesty (or dishonest by omission) complicates it even more...such is the way of love.

SW-User

@indyjoe I think love is all so concern for other person not just ones own feelings.

indyjoe · 56-60, M

@SW-User That is exactly how it should be...mutual, a two-way street, the idea and attitude that "it's not just about ME anymore". A person's chosen partner's thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, hopes, dreams, beliefs, opinions, etc. should be just as important to you as are your own ( and in some situations/circumstances even more so). That is how mine and my wife's relationship and marriage has worked so well.

LittleTinks

I was speaking with someone and made it clear I was not Interested yet he continued to try his luck until I lost my patience and told him firmly he would not be getting anything from me and he stopped talking to me which is thought was fair for me lol

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LittleTinks

That’s the thing I am always nice to people because that’s who I am I don’t like hurting people but I said I was married and didn’t want anything from anyone else and my post state that clearly yet he kept going on and on and saying he knows how to treat a woman etc etc and I then said I was looking for friends and he was like so you don’t want me lol.. I said I made this clear he said but you said you was bisexual lol 😂.. some men just don’t get it! @indyjoe @Sassy55

indyjoe · 56-60, M

@Sassy55 Sometimes a guy will be highly interested in you and does realize that you're not interested, but he is accepting and willing to just try to have you as a friend (because that is much better than nothing at all). However he may not realize just how powerful attraction, loving interest, or even sexual interest can be and it ends up more than he can handle. So it may be that he is trying and not just pretending to be your friend in a lot of cases.

indyjoe · 56-60, M

@LittleTinks That is true...some people (men especially) don't get it and that takes into a whole different ball game...no pun intended. That is not the same as I was referring to, I was talking about genuine attraction and feelings.

SW-User

Well, myself I've never stopped talking to someone because of that. Even went through asking a girl out for a date (coffee) recently. She gave me an immediate yes with a smile. Next I knew she was telling me how she's not dating anyone actively, that she is working on herself. She asked me if I would still be interested in the coffee, yes a part of my heart shrunk, why wouldn't it, but I also knew yes because something about her interested me and especially when you barely know the person, why would I ever deny getting to know more further? Even if it becomes just friendship

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SW-User

@Sassy55 What do you mean by blatant ignoring?

Sassy55 · 41-45, F

Blatantly I mean. I messaged him and he just didn’t answer. @SW-User

SW-User

@Sassy55 Okay, I think I get you now. That's rude of him, but at least his wants are displayed clearly and you don't have to spend any time on the thought of him.

SW-User

Then they aren’t men. They are little boy brats

FloorGenAdm · 51-55, M

Not everyone has perfected the art of moving on.

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Sassy55 · 41-45, F

I’m not like that. @FeminismRocks

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Stonehenge · 80-89, M

I stop talking to women when all I get is one line replies. What happened to decent dialogue?

SW-User

[@Stonehenge I guess, I feel that we really don't have to entertain anyone we do not wish to.
Same for both sexes.
I don't feel the obligation to entertain or be what other expect.
And don't think others have to for me either.

Stonehenge · 80-89, M

I agree, it’s worse though when someone contacts me, I assume they want to converse, then you find it’s one way traffic.

SW-User

@Stonehenge I never contact men that I don't know here, no offense to you, but I never really know what they expect.
I expect to be treated with respect and some have a hard time with that and some women do, too.

jomsim · 26-30, M

Not particularly fair and I can't imagine it feels that good if people only see you as a conquest, rather than someone to get to know and converse with. I wonder if we should have some kind of label about why we are here and then the people who are only here for a relationship or sex can stick to the other people who are also here for that reason.

Sassy55 · 41-45, F

They were people who to be honest hadn’t got a chance in Hell. Not just the reason of looks either. @jomsim

SW-User

I know my friend here has told me about that. She doesn't come here looking for dates but doesn't mind talking to people. She just told me and showed me last night the men who have messaged with her and when she didn't show much interest in Internet bullshit? They stopped. I had to laugh.