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TeresaRudolph71 · 51-55, F
All their exes are crazy or evil.
Nothing is ever their fault.
They mirror you. When they're love bombing you, they suddenly seem to take an interest in everything you're interested in, and seem to identify with everything you're going through. They seem to be custom-made just for you.
They lay on the compliments thick (during the love-bombing stage). Looking back on it now, it was almost sickly sweet.
They can't handle it when someone disagrees with them, about politics, religion, or anything. If you dare to express an opposing point of view, no matter how politely, they will either ignore you or rip you apart, depending on what stage the "relationship" is in. They always have to be right, about everything.
They see (or treat) other people as either all good or all bad. During the love bombing, they will treat you like someone who is perfect in their eyes. But at the first sign of trouble, they will suddenly see you as worthless. I guess that's why they can't admit their own faults, because then they would see themselves as worthless.
They avoid the difficult questions. They will either change the subject, or deflect, or turn things around on you somehow.
Nothing is ever their fault.
They mirror you. When they're love bombing you, they suddenly seem to take an interest in everything you're interested in, and seem to identify with everything you're going through. They seem to be custom-made just for you.
They lay on the compliments thick (during the love-bombing stage). Looking back on it now, it was almost sickly sweet.
They can't handle it when someone disagrees with them, about politics, religion, or anything. If you dare to express an opposing point of view, no matter how politely, they will either ignore you or rip you apart, depending on what stage the "relationship" is in. They always have to be right, about everything.
They see (or treat) other people as either all good or all bad. During the love bombing, they will treat you like someone who is perfect in their eyes. But at the first sign of trouble, they will suddenly see you as worthless. I guess that's why they can't admit their own faults, because then they would see themselves as worthless.
They avoid the difficult questions. They will either change the subject, or deflect, or turn things around on you somehow.
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RemovedUsername329422 · 51-55, M
@rjc36: I agree with all of that, except for the “late” part. It was always my wife that was really a stickler for being on time. Well, let me rephrase. She was REALLY obsessed with being on time. And HATED it when I was late. She would take it as a personal affront to her if it was ME that was late. But when SHE was 15 minutes late for our Son’s Senior Academic Banquet, it was NO BIG DEAL. As for MY being late, I’m just really poor with time management. Sometimes think various things won’t take as long as they do.
JaggedLittlePill · 46-50, F
There are far too many.
A few red flags are:
Gaslighting.
Talking in circles.
Never take responsibility or blame.
If you get upset with them it is never about what they did to upset you it is always about how you reacted to the behavior.
Silent treatment.
Flying monkeys.
Triangulation.
Lies.
Lack of empathy...seemingly fake empathy.
Love bombing.
A few red flags are:
Gaslighting.
Talking in circles.
Never take responsibility or blame.
If you get upset with them it is never about what they did to upset you it is always about how you reacted to the behavior.
Silent treatment.
Flying monkeys.
Triangulation.
Lies.
Lack of empathy...seemingly fake empathy.
Love bombing.
GoldButterfly · F
@JaggedLittlePill You are experienced! You have had them in your life. They are everywhere to us the see them
GoldButterfly · F
@JaggedLittlePill They are some. They are superior by being sicker than others or more miserable than others.
JaggedLittlePill · 46-50, F
@GoldButterfly they are what they need to be in any situation. If they get what they want more from the woe is me game..then yes.
GoldButterfly · F
@JaggedLittlePill My mother and I have a sister that is that type. My mother used to run to the hospital just to get attention from the doctors and nurses. And complain about every little ache and pain like she was dying. But when ready to go on a date with a man she was fine. lol
SW-User
They're really selfish. Anything they do is to gain something, they don't value other people but enjoy they making them feel good (and believe they deserve it). They also take decisions without caring a bit about others because they only want their pleasure.
GoldButterfly · F
SW-User
@GoldButterfly 🙁🙁🙁 it's very toxic to deal with them.. Sorry to hear that happened to you
GoldButterfly · F
@SW-User Yea, they are. I am away from all of them now except for one guy that I work with. He likes the attention of the VP's of the company and keeps me from progressing the way I should. But he don't know it but I use him to do the type of work that I don't like to do and I get paid for it. lol. He thinks he is squishing me down from progress. But he don't know that I don't care about progressing like he does. All I want is the paycheck. lol
rottenrobi · 56-60, F
GoldButterfly · F
@rottenrobi Oh yea, those are major sighs.
RemovedUsername329422 · 51-55, M
RemovedUsername329422 · 51-55, M
@GoldButterfly: Yeah, me too. But I still LOVE her, and wish that she’d come back. However, it’s been 20 months & I know that it’s never happening. When you are in love with a narcissist, the more you give, the more they want.
GoldButterfly · F
@RemovedUsername329422 Yep and you will have to give until you are drained. Sad but that is how they work.
RemovedUsername329422 · 51-55, M
[@GoldButterfly: And this is the “double bind” that I put myself into. When you’re married, you do things for your spouse & the family. Help around the house, take care of the kids, pick them up from school, grocery shopping, laundry, blah, blah, blah. It’s just another part of the routine & you think nothing of it. You just do what you gotta do to make the household run. And as such, we BOTH run here & yon, and tackle what the next day brings. And after it’s done, you forget about it & move on to the NEXT thing on the list. But THEN, when dealing with a narcissist, they always tell you what THEY’VE done. And you’re like “Ok, that’s GREAT. Thanks for all that you DO, as I certainly appreciate it.” And they continue with what THEY’VE done & how GREAT they are. And then you’re like, “Ok, well I’ve done a bunch of that same stuff as well.” And they’re like, “Well you haven’t done AS MUCH AS ME.” And if you try to highlight the things that you HAVE done, that’s when they’ve got you in the double bind. Because then they tell you that “You are only being defensive.” LOL. If I had KNOWN that she was gonna “keep score”, then I should’ve “kept score”. Lol. But I don’t think like that. A relationship is NOT about “keeping score” of what one has done or not done. It’s about LIVING a happy life & making things work. I could NOT care any less, if she EVER acknowledged the things that I DID. Just don’t bash the hell out of me about the things that I DIDN’T do, so that she could make herself look superior.
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GoldButterfly · F
@pagandad You have experience too. Everything is about them and making sure everything is bigger and better.
GoldButterfly · F
GoldButterfly · F
@TryingtoLava It was funny to me becaue you did not know that my original user name was WhoMe. lol
GoldButterfly · F
@TryingtoLava It was!! I had that user name for months
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
They are scary mf's. I had to write off my girlfriend's parents...apparently narcs can and DO marry each other(and are each other's flying monkeys).
Most of the narcs I have known kept an absurd(and illegal) amount of animals.
When they act like children(which is really what they are), it's not about you.
Most of the narcs I have known kept an absurd(and illegal) amount of animals.
When they act like children(which is really what they are), it's not about you.
GoldButterfly · F
@uncalled4 Me too, they are disgusting. I had to dump all my family because they were either narcs or the main narcs flying monkey. lol