Love & Attraction > Relationships

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Why do people do this after marriage/long term relationships?

They meet the partner who has a job lets say in law enforcement, or any other job that may require them to travel alot, etc...or lets say a STRIPPER!

That person had that job BEFORE they met and BEFORE they decided to get together. Then once they are together, the other partner wants them to leave that job.

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SW-User

This happened to me. I worked as a musician on a cruise ship, but then met my partner and suddenly i had to give up music as it meant traveling all the time. So then i had to retrain, and then suddenly having no income wasn't popular either. It was a difficult time.

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SW-User

@iMystery Sorry that happened to you. I can relate.

For me she wanted a guy who made good money who was popular. Then she wanted me to give up what she liked about me.

So then when i wasn't popular and wasn't making good money, i lost attraction to her in her eyes.

So i got an office job and settled down and became what she wanted and ultimately despised me for it, then left me.

iMystery · M

@SW-User Well we can only learn from this.

SW-User

@iMystery Yes, that's very true and hopefully thing will ultimately work out for the best.

Miram · 31-35, F

Maybe they are scared for them and they couldn't but help fall in love with them. Just talk to her, she will need to learn to trust you.

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Miram · 31-35, F

@iMystery I think I will be afraid for his safety if he had that profession and may want to convince him to quit. We don't fall in love with the person's job, most of us. Their job however maybe very important in their happiness and financial security. It wouldn't be fair to act on feelings in that case. You are left with two options, to stay and learn to cope with your feelings or to walk away because you can't handle it.

Yes, it is selfish to pressure them.

iMystery · M

@Miram Well said... but remember that the job came first before your fears for his safety. So why get into a relationship in the first place if the job is going to be an issue.

Miram · 31-35, F

@iMystery Probably because love clouds judgement. And maybe they thought they can handle it.

BoobooSnafu

This is a pertinent observation. it is why I don't believe in marriage.
'Some' people have hidden deep expectations when they form an exclusive relationship. Sometimes it may take having children for this to surface.
But it seems , all of a sudden....their expectations surface. they want more, or different , from their partner.
And to my observations ....there expectations are influenced by societies norms.
People forget.....if it aint broke....dont fix it. Fiddling with a relationship is dangerous. Putting pressured unneeded expectations on someone, only creates friction.
and in a world that is always shifting.....friction can wear something beautiful down to nothing .

iMystery · M

@BoobooSnafu A beautiful analogy... I could not have said better myself.

AliceTinker · 51-55, F

Happens all the time. People fall in love with someone then immediately set about trying to completely change that person.

iMystery · M

@AliceTinker And then a few months or years down the line they complain "You are not the same person I used to know" 🙄... Obviously... YOU CHANGED ME!!!

AliceTinker · 51-55, F

@iMystery Exactly!!
Humans eh ? *Tsk*

Miram · 31-35, F

I knew you were a cop.

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Jackaloftheazuresand · 26-30, M

Bank security😎

iMystery · M

@Miram 🤣... I just gotta like you!

iMystery · M

@Jackaloftheazuresand 🤣 NOt even close! You two are cracking me up!

Jackaloftheazuresand · 26-30, M

they didn't realize how much stress it would give them day in and out

iMystery · M

@Jackaloftheazuresand They should have had an idea of what would be involved since they were already together for a while. I think its unfair and selfish.

Houdini · 56-60, M

I know what you mean. This is me and I’m staying like it.

iMystery · M

@Houdini Yeah... just take full control of your own life. If that other person cant handle it... "sorry dear, not my problem."

Because in the end if you split up you will be the one living with regret all your life for giving up what you loved doing.

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