I Need Advice On Relationships
Not necessarily romantic ones, any kind. I've never known how to relate to people. The wrong things are always coming out of my mouth, and I end up embarrassing myself. I wish I weren't so needy at times. I'll sometimes hear what someone thinks about something or someone, and capitalize on it - join them in their opinion, seeking membership in their private club just so I can feel a part of something, accepted by someone, part of the tribe. I know where this kind of behavior in me comes from, and I'm sad about my abuse history. I'm not defending my actions. I'm using my feelings and other people's reactions to my comments, as indicators of what I need to look at in myself - what the original problems were that left me in a place of needing this kind of survival strategy. But while I'm glad I'm facing my issue head on, I still don't seem to be making any headway, and I keep putting my foot in my mouth. It's no wonder people have turned on their heals and walked away from me all my life. I've seen counselors since I was 13, and I still can't shake the need behind my selling out to people just to gain the feeling of being accepted, or even seen. I would be better off not even trying to relate.