I Hate Myself

I measure myself by my failures. And thus I have alot to be judged by.

I wish just being there was enough to help her, to matter. But thus far it's not. Yet it doesn't matter because I still push for more. I can't be ok with past aid, even if it was just lies or manipulations as she admited.....I said forever and I meant it.

There's so much of that I'm unsure of with her, yet the one thing I know is I can't not care, and I can't not try.