I Am Not the Person I Used to Be
Sea Surf (written 5/21/17 10:13am)
I'm still angry.
It's nearly been two years, yet I'm not quite over it.
I used to be a peaceful sea, warmed by the sun, surface as smooth as glass. Gentle breezes would come and go, but I would remain composed. I'm not sure what I am now.
I will have moments of calm, and then the waves of anger return, crashing down on my mind, hardening my heart, and making it as though red is the only color I can see.
I can't believe that I still have to drown in this and that you're okay.
I can't believe that my whole world has been altered. I have been altered. Nothing is the same, and yet you can crawl back into your complacent cave. Never looking back to see the wreckage you left in your wake.
I have changed.
And I'm not sure if it's for the better.
I miss the past, but I need to learn to appreciate my present. Although it's not what I had intended, it still IS and I am still here.
That's something to be grateful for.
There's always room to change. Space to develop. Obstacles to overcome.
I can do this.
And I can guarantee that it won't be perfect.
I will continue to crash along the rocks, a painful and somewhat graceless process until the edges along my shore smooth out once again.
One day, or maybe in years, I will be inhabitable again.
I'm still angry.
It's nearly been two years, yet I'm not quite over it.
I used to be a peaceful sea, warmed by the sun, surface as smooth as glass. Gentle breezes would come and go, but I would remain composed. I'm not sure what I am now.
I will have moments of calm, and then the waves of anger return, crashing down on my mind, hardening my heart, and making it as though red is the only color I can see.
I can't believe that I still have to drown in this and that you're okay.
I can't believe that my whole world has been altered. I have been altered. Nothing is the same, and yet you can crawl back into your complacent cave. Never looking back to see the wreckage you left in your wake.
I have changed.
And I'm not sure if it's for the better.
I miss the past, but I need to learn to appreciate my present. Although it's not what I had intended, it still IS and I am still here.
That's something to be grateful for.
There's always room to change. Space to develop. Obstacles to overcome.
I can do this.
And I can guarantee that it won't be perfect.
I will continue to crash along the rocks, a painful and somewhat graceless process until the edges along my shore smooth out once again.
One day, or maybe in years, I will be inhabitable again.
31-35, F
