I Want Someone I Can Tell Anything To

I'm glad you found this place and had the courage and wisdom to ask for other people opinions but I think you already know what the answers are going to be don't you. Things sound as if they're pretty much heading towards rock bottom right now with you looking at other guys and no doubt comparing what you perceive them to be to how you feel about your husband... and all the while with him not trusting you as much as a husband ought to.

But it'll always be that way if you can't open up to him and/or if he can't hear you when you do. Your top priority needs to be finding a way to tell him how you feel in words that he can understand that don't present him with the immediate prospect of losing you to somebody else. And your words (if they're sincere) ought by rights to offer him at least a reasonable chance of seeing or working out a solution you can both live with.

And for me that would mean no more crushes on your part. They're simply not an option till you at least decide who/what it is that you want. And I'm not trying to push you away by any means but that probably means no more posting about it to web sites too. Yeah of course you're allowed to talk about it, but you're probably not allowed to talk about it in an environment like SW where every other guy will be hitting on you (whether they admit it or not) and where the likelihood of you stumbling across yet another distraction is so damn high.

It's your husband who needs to hear all this pet not us. Ask marriage counselling to help if you think that'd be useful but that conversation with your husband simply has to take place if you're to have any prospect of salvaging anything.

Good luck.

A marriage should be built in such a way that spouses can share their emotional struggles...there should be trust that you can tell your partner things that are in your heart. That you have crushes on others is a huge red flag. I would recommend a heart to heart with each other, therapy, or reconsider the marriage.

I agree with a lot of what @Pinkstarburst said - ideally, a marriage has such a strong foundation that it becomes a safe place for each partner to share their struggles - emotional, mental, whatever. I disagree with her, however, about crushes being a red flag. I think having a crush - at least in the usual sense of the word - is fairly normal in life. At least, as long as you aren't actually acting on them.

The other thing I agree with her on? Therapy would be a wonderful endeavor for both of you. But that said, if he won't go with you you should consider going on your own. Very strongly. A [i]good[/i] therapist is exactly what you said you don't have - an "outlet to express how [you] feel". A good therapist will help you even if he won't go; if he's willing to go, it could very well be what saves your marriage.

From the sounds of your posts it just seems that you need to make the decision of if your marriage is really worth working on for you. Your husband going through your phone was very wrong and if you feel like he's stalking your online presence I would confront him on it and it a stop to it now. But on your part I would highly suggest opening up to him more, you'll likely continue to develop crushes on other men until you do because you've kept yourself back from your husband leaving the room for another man. If you and your husband want to continue your marriage I highly suggest taking it out alone or with a arbitrator such as a couples therapist.

Good luck finding your way into your future.

you say you have no desire to cheat on your hubby, it certainly does nt come across like that,there seems little or no trust between the two of you, you flirting at will, him constantly checking up on you because of your flirting,how is that any basis for a relationship,you obviously have issues with commitment ,you and hubby are nowhere near on the same page .you need to shit or get off the pot. its not all about you .🙄

Hate to be the one playing Devil’s Advocate, but he wouldn’t “stalk” you if you didn’t give him cause. You seem to be ready to step out of the relationship, he’s just trying to make sure he doesn’t catch a knife in the back as you walk out the door.