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Personal thought. No comments needed.

Before you go further, know this is a post about my Christian faith. If you want to be snarky and argue the existence of God, just please move along. I don't have the energy or patience for you today.

I'm afraid I'm losing my faith in God. Not my faith in the existence of God, but my faith in His promises to me. I know that's a selfish thing to say. It's just difficult for me to believe the path I am on is in some way working toward any good. I get that we all struggle and have to overcome adversity. I understand that life isn't fair and our choices have consequences. But there are times when things just happen over and over and over...when you barely get a full breath in your lungs before the next thing hits...when you begin to feel that God has deemed you unworthy of His help or peaceful comfort.

A few years ago, when hubs was in critical care in the hospital, my mother sat vigil by my side with him. My mom is one of the most faithful and spirit-filled women I have ever known. She raised us in Christ's love. As I sat by hub's side, she sat in the corner quietly until she asked a question I will never forget. She asked me if I was angry at God for all of the struggles He has placed in my life. When I looked over at her there was not a tear in my eye...but they ran down her face. I never answered her question and we have never spoken of it.

I continue to pray. I speak to Him like a child begging for acknowledgment that I'm seen or heard. I ask for guidance and quiet peace to hear Him in my heart. I look for Him throughout my days, desperate to find a glimpse of something He has left for me to find so I'll know He's with me. I guess I just want something solid...not some fancy spiritual vibe or vision. And not words from the Bible either. I want a selfish, personal note from Him telling me He sees me in a loving way...not as a means to an end or an unexplainable "big picture" purpose. I want to see where I am woven into the fabric...not the entire tapestry.

It just doesn't seem like much to ask when you're already bruised up from the journey. Just a little thumbs-up atta girl would be nice. At least I would know He gave a crap.

Hopefully one day I will come across this and smile, thinking about how far I’ve come and how He showed me He was still with me. Now that’s a pleasant and faith-filled thought isn’t it?
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Myselfatlast · 22-25, M
God’s will for our life is something we may never understand we like to think of ourselves as important and we were meant for a great cause but we never know why we were put in this life. God’s will for your life could have been this post itself someone could read it that struggles with their faith and it gave them perspective. Maybe God’s will for you has already happened you could have already lead someone to Christ who would have never followed without you and that couple have happened without your knowledge. I’ve been inpatient waiting to hear from god for him to move in my life I made a lot of stupid decisions that’s put me where I’m at now. And I feel because I step away from my stupid habits my life should be ready to move on but everything is in God’s he exist outside of time and space making our idea of time irrelevant to him
kodiac · 18-21, M
You described my feelings on this spot on ,sometimes i wonder if god put my life off to the side and then forgot about where he put it. I hope you don't get the typical responses.
DawsonsGrove · 51-55, F
What promises did He make to you? I believe all our hardships are lessons in life that we have to learn in order be stronger and better people, and to teach us many other things. Our higher power is always with us and leading us down the path we were meant to walk.
SageWanderer · 70-79, M
I’ve had, or still have, my issues also. And the one thing that I can’t stand are platitudes;
It’s part of the plan.
God has better things in store.
Have faith.
At this point I don’t care for the plan, when does the better start and my faith is shaken. The end of my rant.
I have faith

Lean on me

I can assure you God loves me
Quimliqer · 61-69, M
He holds you in the palm of his hand..
Montanaman · M
I could have written this 14 years ago… sadly I’m still waiting for a sign - possibly a nudge to tell me I have not been forgotten.

I know I’ve mentioned to you in private my loss of faith… still waiting to know I wasn’t abandoned.

I hope you find your peace sooner then I have.


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