My partners adult daughter in her 30s is always trying to come between me an her Dad. We got engaged recently and she would look at my engagement ring

@Mamapolo2016 I know this but I do love her Dad but she is making it more difficult. She does things to guilt trip him plays his ex wife against him so he will run after her more. X

I understand. I do. I was in a very similar situation.

When we humans are presented with conflict - especially unfair conflict - our every impulse is to try to win.

You can’t win in this situation. The best possible outcome you could hope for is a draw (the everybody is miserable option).

We circled each other like dogs about to fight. Then my husband got very sick and I no longer had the energy or time to spend on that stupid game.

So I altered my behavior. I said that when she visited, I would leave so she could have her private time with her Dad. This reduced the friction between us and my frustration. I think she missed the little five minute wars, but tough.

Then when she had gone home, he and I didn’t have to deal with the negative aspects she left behind. It was just us again.@Ciaotutti

@Mamapolo2016 Im glad that helped a lot. My partner and his daughter spend time together without me as we dont live together. I dont have any problem with that my partner always says... my daughters visiting tonight or vice versa so i dont phone or expect him to phone till the visits over. However if I have my family over i dont tell him not to call. I just find his ways really odd. Its took me years to unravel a lot of his ways. He can be realky nice when it suits him but can also be very sarcastic definsive and picking up on something, he always has to be right.

@Keepitsimple its funny 7 years ago I mentioned to my ex that i met someone new. I told him he was Italian. What he said all those years ago " you will never be part of that family" seems to be right!! He didnt say it with malice just his opinion.

It has nothing to do with being Italian. I’m Italian. Some men are happier living in the past with their first family is all.@Ciaotutti

@Keepitsimple yeah I think hes happier in the past thats why im sad. Im looking for a future! I feel like his weekend booty call not part of the family. We dont live together. Its like spagetti all mixed up.
Complex.

@ThePerfectUsername I like your answer its how I feel. Thanks also for taking the time to read and understand some of what its been like. Even though ive not expressed a lot thats gone on. I just want him to acknowledge his daughter has a problem with me but he swtiches it. He rwalky didnt want me to go to his granddaughters birthday today. I know I must seem para to some people on here but thats my situation in his life. X

Judging solely on what I've read here I think the way you feel is perfectly justified. I do worry a little that you might give up hope when a little more perseverance might just win the day, but when all's said and done it's your life not mine and only you can decide whether you're out of options or not. Good luck, and please keep us posted. @Ciaotutti

@ThePerfectUsername aww thank you I will keep you posted. We are going to his appartment soon in Rome its business/ holiday type trip. I think I will have a better idea how I am going to deal with things after that.

@SW-User Did things work out ok for you?

@Ciaotutti As far as my marriage, yes.

@SW-User Great im glad that it worked. Maybe I can try that. X

@SW-User Ive not spoke to her directly because that would cause a major problem. Her Dad is wealthy and she wants to control him. I totally understand he loves his daughter grandkids. I love my family to but they dont come between us or go on holidays together. I dont want my main holiday in his apoartment in Rome with his family i want it to be us. We have been off & on in the relationship. Duh I love him but have my doubts about his love....

@Ciaotutti well you have to talk to her if she will be a part of things

@butterflymind1 I could try that I wish Id tried before. I had a birthday party for her once Ive baby sitted for her to & always been nice to her. Till she started ignoring things and driving a wedge between me and my ex sister in law. I dont want to ask it will make me look para & I know she will deny everthing.

@GJOFJ3 Thats what im trying to do. Theres just been so many issues. But I have always loved him & helped him for years when he had no money. Now He has come into his Fathers properties I see things changing.

@Ciaotutti yes that can definitely change the dynamics of a relationship

@quitwhendone I didnt think anyone was againt me and was building a good relationship with the daughter in law. The ex wife asked to speak to me at a private party and told me my partner would never marry me. I don think everyone is against me i think my partners daughter and ex are against me and dont want me to be friends with the daughter in law. Woman can be like that.

@HannahSky yes since we got engaged I think his daughter got worse to me. His ex wife took me aside at a family gathering and said he would never marry me.
He said he wanted to buy a ring but not marry ....maybe live toghther but with all this back stabbing its taken the happiness away. We split and he wanted me back and promised me the world. Now hes got me things are slipping away and making me sad. He is very stubborn peron and wont listen. Maybe I shouldnt have gone bk. In the shory split he had a new woman. I remained single.