I said im gonna post something positive every time i start feeling like shit cause ive been reading a lot of stuff and they say you are youre thoughts so of i change my thoughts i change myself
Basically what it is, is that im talking to this guy and sometimes after i say something hell respond with xDD or just lol and when people do that im the stupid type to think they just dont want to talk anymore. I want to talk to him so much its tearing me up but i let fear lead the way and that me balling up in bed and doing deep breathing excercises. I keep telling myself i can change but im sooo aware now when i see myself falling back and it feels like an arrow to the heart. I keep thinking im capable but then its like this big wall sprouts in front of me and i stumble and fall abd im doing the power poses and im working out and im giving myself pep talks but i get home by myself and its as if i just swept everything under the rug. I dont FEEL like trying... But i know if i want to change i need to deal with the anxiety that my mind gives me. The only way i will stop my body from reacting the way it does by stepping out into the bounds that set me on fire. I have to feel the anxiety in order to get past it. I need to remember how it feels and everytime it pops up i need to talk it down. Do what i have to until i find a method that works. Keep dragging my feet through all this mess. I know deep down that im capable of being thr person i see myself being in my day dreams. I am that person already i just need to get rid of the weights i habe used to restrain my potential. ... This is what i wrote this morning
And truthfully all of this shit feels so cheesy. But this morning i was cheesing and happy. So i think it works to an extent
Im probably just lonely tonight to be honest. I hate being in this big house alone😣
