I Am Submissive

It's been 23 days since my Sir Hubby has passed away. It's 1:23 a.m.... I usually can't fall asleep till after midnight...sometimes till 2 a.m. I cry a whole lot. I got a wonderful dog he's a miniature australian shepherd and I call him my grief therapy dog. I shouldn't be spending lots of money because I'm down to one income and still got bills to pay...but I can't seem to stop buying stuff online or just overspending. I tried to dye my hair purple and blue and it didn't really take, but it did dye my bathroom floor! Tonight I poured a mix of baking soda and peroxide in my hair and now my hair is really red.

I feel out of control, but I just don't know what to do with myself.

Oh, I also made like this real raw video of me just talking/crying and asking some stupid questions about things pertaining to my husband and his death.... so now folks think I'm heading towards a nervous breakdown... I don't know if I am, I don't want to be.

I say stupid stuff too. I don't think I'm right in the head. :'(