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If you work for a living and pay the bills, do you expect the ones who live with you clean your messes to contribute more?

My boyfriend expects me to clean up more than him because he pays most of the bills. I have been unable to find a job that will match his income (because he's got 2 masters degrees and works full time at a Govt facility), but I try to contribute as much as I can. I buy the groceries, have a phone I pay for, take my animals to the vet, buy all the pet food and supplies, and have other debts and expenses to pay off. I don't even make a thousand dollars a month. But when I clean the house, it still goes unnoticed and my boyfriend still leaves messes.
sogdianrock · 61-69, M
hi PoisonLace
Interesting situation but I suspect is more about "traditional" gender roles reinforced by his being paid more as has also become "traditional" male breadwinner role. Sounds old fashioned. Watch out could get worse! Time for a shake up!
Best wishes
:)
PoisonLace · 41-45, F
@sogdianrock I agree! But I don't believe in old fashioned. :(
SW-User
everyone should do their part around the house..
he should definitely make an effort to tidy up after himself.
though it's not unreasonable for the person with more free time to do a little more..
but it's a partnership... you should work together..
PoisonLace · 41-45, F
@SW-User That's how I feel.
SW-User
@PoisonLace
he needs to stop playing video games and act like a responsible adult
If he has all those degrees and a good paying job why does he need you to contribute to the expenses ?

It sounds like he needs a roommate , not a girlfriend.
PoisonLace · 41-45, F
@Underconstruction lol We have a roommate, and he wants to leave. We don't all get along much anymore anyway. Oh, but also, he doesn't make enough to live on his own as well. But he pays close to $500 a month in bills.
Pfuzylogic · M
He needs to clean his mess.
He is Disrespecting you by not allowing you to be an equal.
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
If you're working equal hours the housework should be equal, it shouldn't be based on salary. If you're working 25 hrs and he's putting in 40-50, hell yeah you should step it up for himm
Fernie · F
You really need a more mature, less selfish BF. I'm sure that if positions were reversed you would not act like that.
PoisonLace · 41-45, F
@Fernie I want to be treated equally, therefore I treat others the same. Yes, I totally agree. He is not my house keeper...and I don't want to be his.
Fernie · F
@PoisonLace If this is the first time he has revealed this selfish side to you...you must nip it in the bud...get angry...if it is his pattern...you deserve better
I would, yes. I wouldn't want a lazy person living off of me. I'm not a slob though, so I expect the same.
PoisonLace · 41-45, F
@Nadie It would be different if I was lazy, but I'm not.
Starbursteffect · 51-55, F
Sounds like you do your part, poison. Don't let him talk you into being his slave
sighmeupforthat · 46-50, M
so he's a jerk?
Sweet517 · 51-55, F
If you both work full time, I think both should contribute equally to housework. How much one contributes financially is really irrelevant IMHO
It depends. If I were the one going out to work and paying the bills, it would seem equitable for the person staying home to do the housework and take care of household errands. Having said that, I would still clean up after myself and not leave messes. The person doesn't become my domestic.

 
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