Anxious
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I'm tired.

I had to call the ambulance last night for my dad who just had a heart surgery last week. He was having chest pains and difficulty breathing. I followed the instructions they gave over the phone, not realising all of it was preventing the onset of a stroke until later on that night. After paramedics arrived, they insisted that he had to stay at the hospital overnight. Thankfully my brother was allowed in after he followed the ambulance to the hospital despite initially being refused.

Although I tried all that I could to distract myself from the worry bubbling up inside me, it caught up with me a few hours ago and I had yet again another seizure.
I now have to uptake my dose.

I'm drained right now to be honest, with a lot that's occurring both to me and around me. I could specify exactly what but it's even more tiring ruminating in the same pattern of thoughts.

I'm only posting this so the few that have messaged both here or on other platforms understand that I'm not ignoring them for reasons personal to them but rather because I feel depleted.

In the mean time, I'll pick myself up in the small ways I do. Perhaps eventually being in a better position to start living and not just existing.
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AuRevoir · 36-40, M
I read that as a “butter position..” 😷